impulsive UYJ

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2010-11-14T22:34:00.002-05:00

the darkest hour in the brightest moment

2010-10-15T20:18:00.001-04:00

the darkest hour in the brightest moment
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

I am excelling in the industry I've worked for a decade and this new company really stretches my potential to the fullest. Now the day job is getting me to places my side job photography is also making progression. I should say that I am now entering my golden hours of life my mother conceived 30 years ago. I am making the dream dollars but I have to say I feel very happy. However amidst the often perceived hyperactive joyful being I am superficially lies a saddened image not many have seen. I thought, as a photographer, I should not only capture the emotions of others but focus and document myself as I struggle through the emotions and pains which help me to grow stronger. Autumn is a sad month for poets. The leaves are changing color and soon to fall and the death like winter once again blanket the city but call itself the winter wonderland. Living in the darkest hour but the moment is bright, I will be alright, but for now, I'm gathering the momentum that boils inside of me and use it to create.

Relinquish

2010-10-06T00:04:00.001-04:00

Relinquish
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

brand new pillow cases and bed sheet. Although everything else stay the same, these changes mean so much to me. I am in great pain!!!
But I learned to face the pain. this season is so painful to me. October, thinking about last October I had so much hope. 2 month later, another surprise.
I'm too strong to not relinquish the mind and cleanse my soul. Amidst the shadowy past that stalk my sleep away, I find a warm smile in the mirror I face, I am strong!

2010 Oktoberfest Central Park with Alpine Squeeze

2010-09-26T10:37:00.001-04:00

2010 Oktoberfest Central Park with Alpine Squeeze
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

9/11 Remembered

2010-09-11T09:21:00.001-04:00

9/11 Remembered
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

Moment of silence, shed tears for those we knew, might not know, but touched all of our hearts

photos and time

2010-08-22T22:59:00.002-04:00

dancing flower
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

*** This photo was shot using my 1st Digital SLR camera the Nikon D50 nearly 4 years ago. I liked tricks back then and this was experimented by long exposure plus camera movements. I carved the flower from a light source by drawing the DSLR I was holding against a white wall. In 4 years, many changes took place and I like to talk about why I feel so inspired tonight.

On my way to drop off few rolls of film off Broadway in NOHO I aimed for Houston St to exit myself from SOHO. I saw sheer numbers of ambulances and firetrucks. A circle formed in the middle of the sidewalk. I can imagine there must be people break dance, no, all jokes aside, someone must be hurt. As expected or maybe a bit more intense, I find a man lying in a pool of blood. There were bloody tissues on the floor. About a dozen EMS workers were quickly yet somewhat nonchalantly pacing themselves to give the helping effort to a dying man. He was in a spasm, trying to grab hold of his rather calm girl friend or wife yet the EMS workers quickly push his hands in and secure them. No one in the crowd appear to be shooting photos or digitally video recording. I guess everyone has the same thought, should I a photo at a moment like this. As I walked by, I felt very intense. My heart was pumping and I asked myself the same question whether I should take a photo and perhaps gain a few remarks from someone unpleasant on the street or just forget it and walk away. 25 steps away from the scene I suddenly turned back and wind an empty film into the shooting slot. I will take a series of pictures using my film camera, the Nikon FM2. I thought from a photo journalism approach I should document this exclusive memory. I shouldn't have a hint of distrust in my own doings and I thought by doubting my own purpose is the biggest disrespect to myself. My lenses appeared in the crowd and someone them saw my lens coming quickly ducked to let me shoot. Perhaps my attitude emit professionalism and sent a clear message to the onlookers the meaning of my business. I don't think I can forget the ethics, moral, and the basic a value of a human being to not save someone's life but rather save the moment worth capturing. If the EMS workers weren't there, I will definitely lend a hand. Sadly to bring up facts about some people in this city who will not help until someone else takes a lead. Living in a large city like New York, hack, I think living in this world in general can often expose oneself to elements of dishonesty, schemes, and scams. Sometimes to simply lend a hand can become a game of guessing whether you could end up a victim of blackmail. What happened to the pureness, what happened to compassion or simply our own humanly passion.

"Today, I am very honored to participate the opening of time capsule my friend buried in his garage and last seen daylights in 5 years. old photos, dusted vhs, those old memories ritually recorded on devices themselves are already a relics of our time. the dazed days we chilled seemingly wasteful yet these events pave our way to conquer the fear of the future. time traveling is at talks, we are heading to a new era."

Thinking back the 11 years since I moved out of my mother's house and lived with the opposite of myself for so long. It's been 2 years since our big split. She's in a totally new life right now learning to start from scratch. I'm faced with changes and still constantly challenging myself by tossing myself out of one comfort zone from another. In my friend's photos I found him in many different hairstyles, from innocent to bad boy, from an artist to aspiring promoter. I saw the comedy "Dinner with Schmucks" last night. Steve Carrel masterfully made the film extremely funny. Yet these comedies often carry a good positive moral. They were talking about dreamers and I can related the movie directly to the photos from my friend's photo capsule. We phase through my stages just like the VHS era passing the baton to the DVD, the Blueray, and how Steve Hawkins now confirms the possibilities of entering the time travel era.

I think we will be more problematic if we found ourself unchanged in a decade. Change is good just like how these photos from a time capsule everyone must all have somewhere in their house, in one of their dusted old photo albums, when we open them we hear the past speaking to us and may just add a few spices and sparkle new shines to our futures ahead.

acquired taste

2010-08-22T02:12:00.001-04:00

acquired taste
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

Writer's block

2010-08-11T13:10:00.000-04:00

I can still vividly recall the sight of soft yellow light from an untainted light bulbs diffused by the paper lamp cover on top of the emerald green dragon head lamp sitting on top of his desk. He is the only person in my family who smokes once a while. I recall later years he finally quit but when ever he's deeply stressed he would drink a little and smoke a few. Often I see him crumbling freshly written lined paper and toss the paper ball into a nearby trash basket which is filled with crumbling balls. Minutes later he would reach over and pick up that crumbling paper ball and flatten it and happily cherishes it and start making circles. In later years my mother liked to describe the way my grand father reacted to writer's block like a tube of nearly empty toothpaste. No matter how hard you squeeze, only a little spews out. But that little paste is still enough to brush off a night of heavy eating however just won't foam as much.

I grew up in a literary family having both grandparents from my father's side to be renowned in the Foreign language to Chinese translation circle and output many popular text and books. There are books all over my humble 2 bedroom home in Nanjing. I heard there were even more books before the destructive cultural revolution in the 60's which forced the family to burn many before they confiscate them. Somehow, being the first grandson of the family who carried on the last name Zhao, I am neither at all a passionate book reader nor a writer by occupation. Perhaps I carried on the workaholism of my mother and became possibly the first Zhao to work full time in an office environment and loving my job everyday.

In recent years I finally picked up or rediscover the artist within me. Photography became my second expression. When ever I am out of words, I like to use my subjects to set the place, composition to tell the story, depth of field to foreshadow, and write a few lines as if a movie isn't complete without a subtitle.

1258pm reads on my clock. I have just 2 more minutes before my lunch hour is complete. Sipping an incredibly delicious soup made up of bitter melon, mushroom, squash, and clams braised in chicken stock. Half hour ago I imagined myself as the journalist from New York Times who interviewed Andrew Cuomo in his so called Camp Campaign for NY Governor but 2 pages through an article that counts more than 10 pages I suddenly obtained the urge to finally write something.

Last night I described myself as if an empty tube of toothpaste being squeezed but nothing comes out. 15 minutes ago I was ready to write but only faced with lack of topics. I searched the ceiling left and right leaning my head against my cushioned office chair. I pictured the hanging ornament off the ceiling and pretend my pupils were F 1.8 lenses by Nikon to create the shallow and deep depth of field over and over. Suddenly I thought, writer's block. Why don't I topic myself off writer's block.

I like to quote the marketing niche of Nike, "just do it". We, as professionals in what ever field we do, often times we are so well aware of our own processes thus instead of progressing we sloth in an almost standing still motion. Just do it - I'm not sure where this topic can lead myself to but without starting from somewhere then how can I end here.

don't know what to blog about

2010-08-10T23:44:00.001-04:00

attached
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

need to write something, write anything. all these interesting events I'm reading about. all these things happening in the city never sleeps. i've prepared myself for this. it's now midnight. I'm caught in the battle of whether to gain 15 minutes of sleep or blog for another 15 minutes more. i'm caught in the longest writers block ever. i think i need to be sober. i need to clean my mind before i start spilling guts all over my keyboard. i feel like an old toothpaste being squeezed but nothing comes out. i'm ending it now, i'm ending this ok, i'm ending this night.

TGIF

2010-08-05T23:14:00.003-04:00

Another beautiful week timely celebrates into the dawn of Friday. Let's rejoice and embrace the calming sky. It's late and I want to say, TGIF friends.

flash dance

2010-07-20T00:18:00.001-04:00

flash dance
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

people come and go, like the patriots fighting the foe, common principle, my disciples view me like principal, simple and single, talents have ample the best ride from stable, rebel without cause i be able, settle down big smile and deep dimples, mixing carrots and apple, sipping e&J sitting in circle, watch me tell story like fable, color of the night i camo in sable.

what i do besides photos

2010-07-11T22:45:00.001-04:00

what i do besides photos
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

hot oil shrimp, well no hot oil here but straight up ketchup. another flavoring agent is the salted ham. i like to make my dishes with variety of ingredients from all over, guess this is what makes my cooking fusionable.

shaolin animal styles

2010-07-07T22:46:00.001-04:00

shaolin animal styles
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

photographer can dance too

2010-07-07T22:38:00.001-04:00

photographer can dance too
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

mood

2010-06-30T23:32:00.000-04:00

hours ago i was just very teary, sat by my pc and starring at photos which i really shouldn't be tempted to look at but i did, i was crying not like a baby, but an old man who came across great sentiments.

minutes ago in the shower, i was washing myself with great exuberance knowing the fact that i finally have settled some old scores and ready to get more surplus, i am moody as usual but recently i have exerted through experience of a totally different set of moods. sometimes i feel so positive that i could be negative and thought that's why i'm so attractive. other days i feel so out of the place, all my extremities are trying to outshine each other in the most active ways.

i sat at the edge of my living room window to take photo of this beautiful flower in my backyard. i was feeling very sick that day, bodily and mentally. i used my 70-300mm nikkor VR lens mounted on D300 shooting at iso800 to take advantage of it's low noise attribute yet even though it's so bright outside but i wanted to take at very fast speed to secure the sharpness i seek and the detail which i didn't want to lose. (i realize the faulty compound sentences I maybe writing).

Ever changing 2010

2010-06-16T13:06:00.000-04:00

2010, the year of many changes. This year will remain in my heart as a crucial turning point in my life.
Everything started with my visit to China in late Dec 2009 and celebrated the New Year 2010 in Nanjing China. My view of China changed dramatically during my visit this time. I went from a big critic of China's development to a supporter and definitely look forward China's future casting her giant shadow over the developed countries once viewed as places paved with gold bricks.

Immediately followed my trip to China my long loved partner decided to take new steps toward the split of our relationship. The court settlements have long filed away, we are still talking, but there will be more changes coming with her life that a possible abandonment of NYC is in shaping mode and soon she might find herself living next to the Golden Gate Bridge.

My beloved and long time chariot the slammed 1998 Toyota Camry was finally let go and not only did I changed model but I switched manufacture entirely. I'm a proud owner of a Mazda 3 now and happily pointing the car to every corner to and yell Zoom Zoom.

Finally, after 5 long years of proud service in Fedex I have finally decided to cease the long battle with Corporate America and welcomed myself back into a smaller sized but more flexible company. I lost tons of corporate perks and vacation time but hopefully if all well gained a new change to grow. Funny how I'm viewed now as a corporate talker and my emails are safer than ever. The good thing about corporate America is the manners and etiquette we chose to follow in protection of the brand name.

Already in 6 months, many changes to reshape my life have taken place. I know there will be more and I'm looking forward to them as the days go back.

Monsoon

2010-05-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

Beautiful outside, the sound of pollution slowly approach me from the front then quickly fades to the back where Brookville dumps into the Atlantic where JFK runaway conjunct in the heart of Rockaway.

777 flown by Qatar with immense GE power plants rumbles above me and traffic seemingly rage with horns sounding and brakes screeching.

Although noisy and messy, all these are still beautiful in my mind.

The air feels damp yet soft.

I took a few deep breathe through my nose and I could smell the smog, the grass, and the incoming thunderstorm.

My body quickly rejuvenates as I closed my eyes to listen to my heart beat. I imagine myself standing in a grass field in another place and another time.

The monsoon air rekindles me. I imagine myself standing in the rice patties where new rice bears the color of gentle green.

My tired eyes are moist by healing tears.

Soon the thunderstorm will arrive to wash the rough week away and freshening the air for a welcoming weekend.

I want to hear the thunders crack, I want to see the first rain drop disappears into the ground, I want to see lightning paint the sky like brush on canvas, I want to see the sidewalk washed by thousands of ripples, I want to be out there, I want to be like the weeds near the sidewalk just grow relentlessly, I want to stay in that moment forever, the moment of monsoon.

memory and reality

2010-05-06T23:14:00.002-04:00

miss the water that looks almost black in the shades of the cypress forest. Gum tree lurks from shore to shore and the mayflies dancing in the humidity by the thousands.
Back to reality, deep blue sky of the east side of Manhattan chases away the sun that runs off to the west coast hinting colors of gold and spread the word of night to the arriving stars glitter reborn.

Best feeling in the whole world

2010-05-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

Best feeling in the world is when I walked out of the steamy congregation hall under a hot and hazy May setting sun when the room just exploded with heat when the groom kisses the bride.

Cool Flushing wind brushes through the inner streets.

Seeing friends walk by in convoy,

I couldn't resist but to feel the joy as my sweat gently roll down my Nikon's magnesium alloy body.

Best feeling in the world is when two friends enjoying the sweets from a comfortable food spot I recommended and giggling over the whip creme over fresh fruits, like little girls sharing chocolates however just 5 hours ago we were complete strangers. Now they are under my digital photography surveillance and mirrored in natural synchronizations.

Best feeling in the world is finding the last blooming Tulip showered in a New York Sunset...

Something happened today, I was exhilarated like a boy discovering puberty, a new life, new scope, brighter lights, taller skies, deeper oceans, inner motions.

Lovely Weather

2010-04-07T23:32:00.001-04:00

Today was a special day. April 7th 2010, exactly 19 years ago I was in my short shorts standing inside a freezer like cold Pathmark waiting for my mother to rent my first video in the USA, I remember I picked up Transformer the movie 1986.

After 2 days of fever and sore throat I'm back to work but found myself yet buried again in a pile of files and relearning the phrase "catching up".
I heard people brag about how New York City today is actually hotter than Miami in April. True, at some point I think the heat index was probably 90 in April.

I stood outside to take a breather. The air feels so familiar but not like I know this air because it's New Yorker. It's more like distant, like wow, this feels like Costa Rica, or China, maybe Taiwan. The breeze feels so warm and sentimental.

I tranced out staring at the ripples that move like tides forming a white line through the lawn where grasses are pushed gently by the breeze. Exactly 19 years ago on this day, I held my auntie Lynn's hand and walked down Junction Blvd in Elmhurst NY in my handed me down pair of tight tight tennis shorts over a pair of white 2nd hand canvas sneakers. I simply did not expect summer weather in April in a city that's way north by latitude compare to my home town Nanjing.

The good old memories, they help build who I am today.

Beautiful Weather

2010-04-04T09:09:00.000-04:00

This weekend's weather is absolutely gorgeous. So drop your dishes that need to wash, stop the vacuum cleaners that need to suck, and step outside to enjoy the sun. Don't forget a jacket because the temperature from between day and night could be 20s.

On your left, La Pomme NYC. My friend Frank Wu is the resident photographer here since '07 and he took me inside early Saturday morning 1am to catch some hot NY night life actions. This marks my first time photograph night life and I was so thrilled. The 3 hours I spent here was an inspiration and the learning experience is worth a million.

Photographing these beautiful people was such a thrill. I learned to take just a little more time to compose, get ride of the noise background, yet not to keep them waiting.
Next time I will try to relax more. Perhaps before the shoot get myself a shot of Goose and a beer.

~ More pics found on http://impulsiveuyj.com - Night Life Gallery.

大雨 Rain

2010-03-11T00:05:00.000-05:00

期待第一場傾盆大雨, 春雷閃電, 將我把窗帘拉開, 陣陣雨氣飄進來讓我重新感受到那遺失的童心. 我想折一搜紙船, 讓他沿著水溝下流,我邊追邊喊, 好歡喜. Wishing for the first rain of the new spring. Let it be an electric storm, thunder and lightning. I parted the curtain to invite the moist air that radiates through my living space. I feel like I have found my long lost child's heart. I want to make my paper boat and let it run downstream while I chase after screaming with joy

just write a little about Boston Mar 06 2010 **to be updated

2010-03-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

Sitting here eating white chocolate and I thought to myself why don't I write something.
Well, the alarm clock woke me up in an aching rush. My dream crumbled and I woke up seemingly well rested.
My ETA was 1200pm.
We should depart as scheduled 0800AM ETD.
Transit time is 4 hours with a 20 minute break in between.
The Fung wah buses are fast and cheap buses offered between Chinatown NY and Chinatown Boston.
Abruptly I brushed my teeth and washed the sleeps off my face and welcome the fresh sunlight with some lotion rubbed into my cheeks.
My fridge was empty as an cashless wallet. Alright, 6 more dumplings. I had them boiled up quickly and dipped them in Ponzu sauce. My camera and lenses are well packed. Today's arsenal, Nikon D200 DSLR, 28mm standard lens, 105mm macro lens, and a 50mm prime lens.

After an easy hassle free train ride on the L then to the R. I strolled my way toward the Manhattan Bridge and the Sun was shining on my Eastern facing cheeks. My pair of old vintage Rayban kept my eyes well protected from the gleaming sun rays.

In between the 8 o'clock bus I had about 30 minutes of free time which I spent the minutes with breakfast from Mickey D and I took this photo of Saturday morning rush hour down the Manhattan bridge. The Sun was in my face so I bumped the EV up 0.3 and used the built in flash on TTL to fill in the shadows.

the perfect storm ***last updated 02/26/10 1044pm

2010-02-25T22:57:00.002-05:00

This winter has been REALLY snowy, blizzard after blizzards and each storm seem to out done the previous.
We enjoyed a beautiful weekend and started this Tuesday with heavy down pours. The temperature was relatively warm all week but very wet. Then we heard about the perfect storm scenario.

This is Flushing Ave near Ridgewood in Queens NY at around 0720 this morning. Started with big heavy wet flakes and continued to snow all day I heard. But where I worked in Rosedale near JFK was raining pretty much all day until late in the afternoon.

The whole day I heard about Southern Brooklyn getting heavy snow. Then the sales guy called from Jersey said they are running scared and can't wait to go home.

Once again, Flushing Ave but at 0600pm. Stuck in traffic with wheels deep in the 6 inches of slush. It's so slushy and wet, I felt like walking in the water but with extreme precaution since it was very hard to walk. My ABS constantly hammered below my feet and the TCS keep the wheel from spinning out of control.

Almost home, at the traffic light I decided to open the window and shined a flash on to the fallen snow.

My friend on Facebook asked how's the snow we are getting and told her very small amount. But little did I realize how much I was missing out from too much internet tonight that when I open the blinds I found myself inside THE PERFECT STORM.

0730AM 02/26/2010. NYC schools are closed on an emergency schedule this morning at 5AM. I phoned in to work and told my boss after 30minutes of digging the car is no where near coming out of my spot with brand new tires. So I'm going to try mass transit however both the L and M runs above ground at one point so they are really slow. Plus the buses are no where to be seen. One just pass by but packed as HELL. I'm trying to hitch a ride with somebody's SUV. 2 weeks ago we closed office for a storm that was only packing just fraction of the power compare to this one. I highly doubt I can make it and besides coming back home is another story.

This is the pavement I have to walk on and this is considered OK, the other block seems the owners are just too lazy to come out and fight a losing battle.

Pretty sight I must admit

This stuff really sticks. Yesterday's rain, sleet, and wet snow packed in overnight due to drop in temperature. This snow came during the middle of a huge crisis at work. We are so busy these days. The problem we have, god, don't know how to describe. Now the snow. Oh well, look at the bright side, it's Beautiful.

I couldn't just stay home all day while the fun resides just subway stops away. With that in mind, I hopped on the L line and here I am exiting off Union Sq station. I wanted to do some general street shots. All shots are composed from my 18-200 lens on A mode.

Snowing bloody murder here in NYC. This was on 4th Ave just down below Union SQ.

Astor Place, the spot of the famous Cube. Here I met up my boy TL and head down to St Marks for some quality Ramen and hot Sake. He was obviously late on the train thanks to multiple delays due to the wet wet weather we've been getting for the whole week. I've never seen day time blizzards like this before. The snow was coming down hard. On the weather map the storm system system spins counter clock and rotating moistures just like a hurricane.

Scrambling for umbrella, the temp was just above freezing so the precipitation was anywhere from sleet snow to rain and ice.

There were buses running but just very very slow. Plus the city cut the number of buses to accommodate the decline in customers today since many of them stayed home.

雨過天青, This spinning storm is very tropical storm like. Matter of fact on Thursday when this all started we were high in the 40's and I even heard thunders. The blue sky you see here is probably the center of the storm or the eye. What we have to worry now is the spring like temp the next whole week. All these snow will melt and flash floods are imminent.

You can actually see the dark clouds coming and instantly the a Sunny day transforms back into a wintry blizzards. I walk around with my DSLR exposed to the element. As soon as the blizzard starts I reach for my plastic cover and wrap it around my camera body.

New York's Finest.

This morning when I woke up and up to the point I gave up trying to go to work this storm was a steady phenomenon that punished the Greater New York area with full power wintry windstorm. But during course of my 3 hour walk so far, that weather has changed several times. This is by the edge of the Hudson and the weather became once again scenic and pretty with white clouds floating in a sea of blue and the earth is white too.

We left the pier and headed back to the "civilization" however a few blocks away we were astonished by how quickly entered blizzard again, wow, this weather is so unpredictable with this thing spinning above us.

Peace on earth finally, the storm seems to have stop short. But I trust the weather map, that thing is still spinning. (matter of fact few hours after this photo at around 0700pm, the storm whipped some craziness again) Broadway and 12 street Downtown Manhattan

The kids enjoyed the end of 2nd and hopefully the last or maybe another soon, snow day with some old fashion urban warfare.

true love

2010-02-21T23:24:00.003-05:00

I believe in true love.

我的那為, 始終沒有給我一個完美的或黑白的解釋. 不過她, 似乎不承認有 true love 的道理.
我的看法是, 人各有志,

sometimes there is no need to dig further.

Albert Einstein once said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Snow Day 2010

2010-02-10T07:26:00.013-05:00

Feb 10, 2010, the so called February Fury is starting to gain strength. As I stared out the window at 0645am I received the phone call from work with the pleasant surprise I was hoping to receive. Fedex management gave consideration for our safety and decided to give us the Snow Day Off. I never once had a snow day, at work or in school. We got hit pretty hard in the past by snow storms, but I guess this time might be the hardest I've seen. I hope the actual strength stays within the forecast outlook. My Nikon Lens will not lie. Through out today I will bring you the latest of the snow storm from the Brooklyn section of Ridgewood NY 11237.

7AM, my backyard, snow is picking up strength.
The band of rain has been pushed far south. Due to 2 extreme pressure systems conjunct, this otherwise a summer supercell thunderstorm is a white out packing powerful blizzard in February which we've anticipated since our last big scare from last weekend.

8am, the street doesn't seem all that bad. Many companies have given consideration to the workers. Most cars on my block haven't moved yet. Stay tuned the hard stuff to come later, I hope.

Not much's going in term of the weather. The forecasters are sure fired up for this. Be funny if nothing really happens. They say we are still in the setup stage of this event. I bet everyone's underestimating this right now. I eager to see what's coming next.

0950am

11am to 1230pm. Things quiet down quite a bit. I was getting anxious to the see the snow coming down since the forecasters haver been making assumptions guessing through this hard to predicting phenomenon. The forecaster must keep their job PC by adding there is no guaranteed.

As I'm posting this at 0102pm, the next band of snow moved in and the condition is finally picking up. I hope this is what they are talking about.

"hope this time it stays"

0132pm, the forecasters seem much more confident with their prediction now since short after noon the snow really picked up just like how they've foreseen. The big question is will we get hit with that monster storm we've all anticipated.

0201pm. The intersection of Cypress Ave and Stanhope Street is really quiet today. Everyone's talking about the accuracy of the forecast because the snow has really picked up and it seems unstoppable.

NBCNewYork.com put 2 of my 6 submissions up along with 154 photos submitted so far at 0230pm. I will send more pics to NBC as the snow storm progresses.

As snow day settles into a snowy dusk, at 0316pm, I've turned on my kitchen music and started to prepare dinner.

The heaviest snow falls are arriving as I type.
I wonder just how heavy this will become.
When I have a minute I really should go outside and dust off my car to get prepared for tomorrow.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/somycity/?mediaId=1831772&userName=peteryangzhao&userId=20472806

After I finished dinner the clock reads 0510pm.
I grabbed my Nikon and ran to the front to check on my block. I've seen my car buried in worst condition.
Perhaps other sections of the city are badly battered by the storm however my block isn't that bad.

I'm glad Fedex gave us a day off for the consideration of our safety.

The man shoveling is my Italian American neighbor Paul. He's lived on this block for about 50 years now.

I managed to post a few more pics to NBC. So far they have 3 postings on the site. Of course I hope for my exposure there but I look forward to more snow tonight. So far in the Brooklyn section of Ridgewood NY, the storm hasn't met my expectation.

1014pm
The 10 O'clock news came on Fox and the first news and probably the only news is Snow. Right now we missed the heaviest band of snow which pounds away northern Long Island right now.
This storm has been very unpredictable and it carries an almost temperamental attitude.

My backyard taken with my Fuji point & shoot.

Some simple light and shadow rendering plus black & white. Just to prove the idea of using a $100 12.2mp PS to product good photos.

I probably won't go out again. I hope I can get another call tomorrow for that miracle snow day again. Who knows, I can't wait to look out the window tomorrow 6am. I might even find rain, HA.

Goodnight.

Thank you my friend

2010-02-08T23:13:00.000-05:00

失控了整整一天，大概是缺睡，也许是兴奋，或者屁放的太少，不过哥们儿谢谢你，我走火入魔时多亏了你的先天真气，你的一句话，我恍然大悟，给了我金蝉脱壳之感受，我忘了要顺其自然，有话慢慢说，做事条条理。

Waiting Spring

2010-02-08T21:47:00.001-05:00

Grease me up and fix these otherwise rotating but standing still gears.
Dull blade is too rusty to cut but when pressed hard do shear.
Let there be sunlight where leaves are the fishnet and shadows they catch.
It may be Twenty three outside but my will speaks spring in certain degrees.
How I miss the rolling ripples that gush and push through mossy pebbles.
Northern fowls arrive in flocks and heard that howls rid chills cozy endows.
Hints of a blooming May is heard when Blackbird chirps Cherry flower first.
In baby steps they grow, buds seep out seeds like fresh lawn grow weeds.
It might be another eight weeks, early thunders chatter like summer speaks.
Where willows might weep the fallen flowers dancing in breeze.
Let there be light and use ink to draw moon in the night sky.
Bring on the life only to mute my own breath to hear my heart contract.

苏打配热牛奶

2010-01-25T19:38:00.002-05:00

夜深了，
西方落日的彩霞早尘忘，
不知是吞没阳光的地平线深黑，还是今夜已经黑如锅底。
一里外的高速还是拥挤像人生般的繁忙，在时空穿梭。
我的音乐始终播放着，我心中的宴席是长久的，
舞厅的烈火万能的燃烧，
难免夜长梦多，苏打配热牛奶与你一同享受。

雨过天晴

2010-01-25T16:29:00.002-05:00

雨过天晴，
诗歌与浪漫主义陪伴共享清静，
交响乐给我冬天的凄凉西房带来振奋和温暖，
问世间情是何物，
不再为深疑而奔波，
只惜着金色的日落代表昼夜的思恋和忧烦，
但明天的日出将溶敞心固，
早春的到来个我心灵无限的盼望，
下雨吧，雨后天晴又是那陶醉的景色，
憔悴的彩霞，凄凉的弯月，
夜深宁静，我与诗歌同度清静，
望明天又是阳光灿烂

china perspectives 2009-2010 completed on 01/24/10 watch out for future updates

2010-01-06T20:42:00.179-05:00

Cranberry juice chilled no ice in a cup and top off with 1 shot of red wine. Chinese pop music is flowing out of the JBL speakers. I'm working on the process of time reversal. I'm in the state of completely "cracked out". Tomorrow is work and today is the last day of my vacation.

I just came back yesterday afternoon from my 14 hours of flight across the arctic from Beijing.

My father and good friend Tao Ze Feng.
Not easy to survive in a new place. He could have enjoyed a different life in China some say but I think he did great by painting his way from the streets of NY and able to enjoy 3 month vacations traveling the places and be his own boss. This was taken the day we left JFK on Christmas day 2009.

When you fly Air China, you might not able to enjoy JW black and you might find yourself indulge on limited supply of made in china great wall brand merlot and chardonnay but passengers and the crew are mixed like a huge market. We roam around freely and could help ourselves with refreshments anytime.

Ipod is now half drained and I was having hard time falling asleep from just 3 small cups of mixed red and white wine. I flopped open the window and found the world outside in a cold blue gel like world of dull and dead river that curves and loop like a big snake.

I couldn't imagine anyone would live down there. Maybe there are huge hungry undiscovered big fish down there in those murky cold rivers of Siberia.

Deprived of sleep but overly excited. I finally called quits to the rolling, tossing, and turning. I sat by the window until the first straw of lights shined through the remains of last night's haze and smog. I felt the bed shaking last night. Maybe I was too tired or perhaps I was having a spiritual encounter of the room which I slept in is actually my aunt's studio. A studio is not just a room but the place where every structure and ornament of the room becomes one when the artist is at work. this room is alive, I felt great to be part of it.

Soft lights fall on the oak wood dinner table. Apples and bread, jam and butter are at our service.

We arrived the Beijing teacher's academy film school. My uncle Afu and a legion of Chinese film makers and legends some retired however not giving up and most are still passionate doing their things, teach here and planting future film industry giants. This place is actually the remains of an ancient garden from the Qing dynasty. This place is called BeiLi garden. This place belongs to one of the emperor's brothers.

The road of learning is infinite. It's not just beyond that white wall to the end, there will be a break through.

My uncle Fu Jin Sheng, cinematographer, director, writer, and teacher. What I can say about the guy, well, I'm won't attribute to his already famed film and photography successes. I have to say his facial features are like magic. He's constantly directing his own movies what ever he does and where ever he goes.

Tell me if he looks like a man of 65.

We ended our 1st day in China and our 1st day of our first destination Beijing with a wholesome meal.

I'm not an expert of Peking duck. But everything in China tastes differently. This is due to the different method of PRC harvesting their crops and feeding their meat makers. The restaurant we ate at is a historical protected site. Thus, the government requires the restaurant to be operated under no heat during winter to help maintain the infrastructure.

~ to be continued

I thought the chinese white wine or baiju could help me fall asleep better. Well, all the food, whole day of running, sleep deprivation, and that 55% fire water knocked me out at around 1030pm. Then I happily awoke in the darkness but only find the clock reads 350am. I wasted another hour with toss and turning and finally said goodbye to the night and started sending emails to the now daylight New York.

The little dog my aunt is trying to raise. Her name is Sung Ming, named off an actress's role in a korean TV drama she likes to watch. The dog loves the smell of my feet and dancing around my toes and lick them in ecstasy.

2 hours later, we arrived at the site of my aunt, uncle, and his son and the wife's future settling ground. This is some of the last suburban communities absorbed by the large capital city. This is located outside the 6th highway ring of Beijing. My uncle bought 2 x 2 floors units all on the top 6th floor.

The condos are just a cold concrete shell for now. but with his persistent funding and consistent master crafting of the professionals he entrusts, this place will soon be another one of their art palaces.

Here AFU doing his best, directing a construction site. Mind you since he funds the place, he is after all the producer and I'm the cinematographer.

Not far away from where he lives in the future. We arrived a historical site both by age and incident, below wikipedia excerpts will help educate the background behind these photos I took of the place.

courtesy of wikipedia:
The Yongding River (simplified Chinese: 永定河; traditional Chinese: same; pinyin: Yǒngdìng Hé; Wade Giles: Yungting River) is a river in northern China. It is one of the main tributaries in the Hai River system and is best known as the largest river to flow through Beijing Municipality. The river is 650 km in length and drains an area of 47,016 km2. It emerges from the Guancen Mountains of Ningwu County in Shanxi Province, where it is known as the Cangqian River (桑乾河) and flows northeast into Inner Mongolia and then heads southeast into Hebei Province. In Huailai County, it fills the Guanting Reservoir, the biggest reservoir serving Beijing and takes on the name Yongding. It enters Beijing Municipality through theXishan Mountains west of the city in Mentougou District and descends into the flatlands of Fengtai and Daxing Districts. The river eventually flows back into Hebei Province and then on toTianjin Municipality, where it meets the Hai River just before the latter enters the city and then empties into the Bohai Sea at Tanggu. Part of the river is diverted before the juncture with the Hai, and flows directly into the Bohai Sea. This channel is called the Yongding New River (永定新河).

wikipedia:The Marco Polo Bridge Incident (盧溝橋事變; also known as 七七事變, 七七盧溝橋事變 or the Lugouqiao Incident) was a battle between the Republic of China's National Revolutionary Army and the Imperial Japanese Army, often used as the marker for the start of the Second Sino-Japanese War (1937–1945). The eleven-arch granite bridge, Lugouqiao, is an architecturally significant structure, restored by the Kangxi Emperor (1662–1722). Often signifying the opening of Japan's comprehensive invasion of mainland China, both this 7 July and 18 September (Mukden Incident) are still remembered as days of national humiliation by some Chinese.

Damage from the Japanese shells on the wall of Wanping Fortress is marked with a memorial plaque now. The text on the stone drums below summarizes the history of the war that followed the incident

~ to be continued

My Uncle Afu would spend most of his time devoting his passion to his beloved arts. He often chants that when someone is at a poker table or getting numbed off the 2nd bottle, you should only find him somewhere in his own little corner and paint in oil, water color, or his mind. He would paint anything. He is 100% not an introvert that he expresses so much attention one should really need to open up the mind and accept his sarcastic yet absolute from the heart emotions that transcend down to this ever changing magical facial expressions. His personal fundamental when come to the creation of a good digital photo or maybe in a broader spectrum do define how he shoots his movies steadily using his film gears he would say, one must know how light works in a film camera and only to master your types of film and how to take a digital picture based on the concepts of film works can finally be on the right path. His Monkey and Aries personality drives him to go head on and express his own individuality. Afu doesn't shy away from the norm and the mainstream. He embraces the now and the coming with his heart yet he played the mainstream with his untainted heart. His don't give a fuck (plain English) attitude is my admiration. I learned much from him. He collection of cameras are not just there to be dusted. He regularly uses his platoon of good film soldiers. He boast one should never take photography as his hobby that to get your name out there is the only way to the next level. I likes to say, once you have the 1st, 2nd is already at the door. The following a brief photographic outline of his equipment room. Here we will see 6x6, 8x10, his priced Toyo large format camera, his Hassel, Mamiya RZ67, he also sports 2 DSLR the canon 5D mkii and 40D.

He would take his large format camera to parks like Yuan Ming Yuan because there are places in that park might still exist like how it should before the Cultural revolution, before the Japanese, before 1912 and during a time the country has not been cut up by the foreign powers, there he marks his lenses for the final capture before the modern world forever wipes out the culture like ancient tombs capped in steel and glass. He'd take several digital shots before settling on just 3 or 4 8x10s and these priced collection could be sold as high as 40,000Y each.

His recent sparrow and lotus works are discussed in the Jan 2010 issue of Digital Power magazine China.

my dad playing with a hassel

Per AFU, online said there are 2 of these babies in Beijing listed but he never spoke out about the third medium format Mamiya 500mm lens and often used.

his steadiness is legendary in Asia, here he demonstrates his spotting skill.

Mamiya 500mm mounted with Mamiya RZ 67

Pentax 6x6

11 :51pm Wed nights 01/06/10 my 2nd day and 1st full day is about to end. I left China 01/05/10 and arrived 15 hours later and still 01/05/10. I've cheated time or did I?

Below was taken during my ride to the train station on my 1st full day and the 2nd day in Beijing.

The gridlock in front of the TianAnMen Square. To save electricity, the global economy left the otherwise well lit SQ in the dark. The dusts are kicking in, I'm glad I'm leaving for Nanjing.

Conversation carried about in the bunk bed cabin of our train. They were discussing types of movie they watched. Events like the cultural revoltion and June 4th were cited in crystal clear story lines. PRC blocks blogger for the fear of blogger like myself just casually talking the truth.

During of our dinners in Beijing, the famous Teacher Setu persuaded a young American not to foolishly follow certain high profile artists for the sake of revolution and simply realize that Culture is fluid and always run like a current or river but Politics are brief, we revolt in seconds through impulses that in the course of history, politics are and will change fast.

We talked about events like 6/4 how the leaders of the revolution may as well have tomorrow's plane departure ticket handy that the bloodshed should only be given by the followers and the history continues as the leader departs and another takes over. We talked about ignorant mind of a revolutionist maybe just as narrow and selfish as a senseless government not worth fighting for.

Trapped inside a heated bunk cabin I felt anxious and nervously await for sunlights. 3 years ago I stumbled on this land full of criticism. 3 years later I'm able to see beyond slow ethical improvement but imagine how perfect China could become in just a few years.

Trapped in the dark cabin with strangling heat, I tossed and turned as if an inmate struggling with the thought of justice while trying to find peace during his first night of many years ahead in the lonely prison cell.

*** to be continued in the days ahead

I couldn't sleep all night. Crammed in that uncomfortable bunk bed and I look around was just darkness and the sound the of my father snoring.

Finally some lights, oh it's just another station we were passing.

Just like that I was wide awake and bored all night.
I sat there until the fog has went away and we traveled from the north to the more temperate Jiangsu area.
The cabin was surprisingly well lit so I could capture 1/500 F4 shots of the fast sweeping by trees.
Along the way there were communities and their little houses standing over the edge of rivers or a flooded rice paddies.

The famous Anhui Fu Li Chicken brought memories of the Zhao siblings. They thought about their past visits to this station and they would also buy this chicken. Back then this type of roast chicken was cooked and ready to eat as oppose to the prepackaged cold rock hard chicken of today.

The big reunion of the 3 Zhao siblings and grandma's grandson who composed this shot.

Stepping out of the rusty metal gate of her front yard you look left and their is a hill that leads east. This is to the east gate and onto number 2nd court. Where are the kids? 20 years ago this is where we played hide and seek, where is everybody?

A few passerby took my big camera for great attention. They were surprised of me taking of this shot and thought the vines are much better looking in summer. I told them I'm searching for the sense of renewing that the old bring the new, death is just another idling beauty that signal for change. One needs to look at beauty differently. No one answered.

Tshirts hung outside the second floor living room windows. My lenses were gliding through this shot and capture what ever that's unique to omy American trained eyes. I really like the colors of these old buildings.

Speechless, very nice Subway system

I took this shot through the crowded old communities that stood dwarf standby the shadow towering Jiangsu #1 tall building.

Some sentimental feelings surge by the hot blood carried in warm vessels. She described how this music box looks identical to the one given by her beloved brother. I jokingly asked her if she's a little sentimental but she firmly replied not quiet there yet.

*** 01/08/10 1017pm, now 1018pm, the remnant of Jetlag hang strong and hit my head constantly like waves of dizziness. I need to brush up and wash away the dust before settling to to a deep dream. I hope I can have a full night of sleep without interruption.

To be continued ~

I told everyone that I was going to walk around. I dashed out the front gate and my peripheral caught my attention so I turned and looked left. On one of the dried up branches I found a shell dangling in the wind. I walked close and examined the shell of a cicada larvae. When I was young I used to dig them up from their hide outs. They make very good food. Always I want to try them, heard they taste like shrimp.

I'm out of the front gate. In front of me is where my aunt lives up on the 3rd floor. These buildings are among the older apartments. This place could have been more upgraded if not for the less open minded folks that refuse to see China changes. But it is already changing fast, so most of the older buildings unless of important historical value will face tore down or at gov's expense to redecorate.

I didn't take much photo for the rest of the day. We stayed in door all night to dine then talk and caught up with current events and thoughts. I read an article my grandma published. It was about her first time and probably last time experience with CKS. Chiang Kak Shek is described again in his legendary proportion but with twist of the less glamorous, more sweet, and definitely real, something never heard of him before.
The housekeeper cooked a few favorite dishes from this part of the country. The housekeeper is from Liu He 六和. Which is not far from Nanjing and in fact it is now part of metro coverage. Many cities have gotten much larger in China after I left 20 years ago. Beijing has is biggest monopoly to eat up everything in her surrounding as if the Gobi has ate enough. Nanjing has brought a few surrounding country villages under her umbrella and what used to been rice fields and clear lively spring water spawning with fish and crabs are now neon lights, miniature vegas where people don't hold doors or say thank you when accepting service.
I've learned to be more numb about certain less attractive side of China. Since I've gotten serious with my hobby, I want to see things bigger, rather focusing on the negative, I'd like examine it and take advantage of the energy to make something more creative.

My thoughts ran on all night. I thought I could sleep a little but I ended up with just 3 hours of less than ram sleep and 2 hours of kicking and turning. There is not PC, it's dark and cold, so there is not much outside this part of the town could offer.

People worried if I will be cold in China. Beijing is much colder than NY. Talk thermo long john and pair of jeans would make me sweat in NY's subzero temp but in Beijing even with heat where is still fucking cold.

The 5 days I spent in Nanjing the temp hovered around 6 - 9 c so that's about the same 30s thirty something high in NY. But Nanjing and many southern city don't have built in housing. Reference by history Nanjing is a seasonal city with defined spring and fall, cold winter, and brutal summer.

Finally 6 am, I dressed according to weather but 1 extra layer and ventured out with my tourist friendly 18-200 lens mounted on D200. First stop, Nanjing University. That silhouette tree tops were shot near the track and field of the university.

I was able to navigate most of the old buildings with ease. I roamed here for several years digging up bugs, climbing trees, mastered the art of hide and seek, played with mineral rocks behind the Geology department and claimed $10 rocks and kept it like gold. I wanted to be stingy on shots and pay less attention to facts like a sign, name, I wanted more tranquility in my shots. When I need noise, I can easily leave this place and point my lens like a microphone at any given moment to capture tons of noise.

If my memory serves me up right. This should be outside Math Dept my "favored subject", 1+1=4.
At one point one could take a picture of this building with more grand surrounding but now this definite symbol is dwarfed by the metro behind. I've grown to like this contrast of the modern background and the cultural forefront. This remind place remind me central park.

I think Asian countries with cars lining up instantly bring pictures of some early 80's Japanese TV drama. Like Taiwan, most old streets are not designed for so much traffic. In the US, Chinese are sometimes stereotyped for Math wizards and bad drivers. Truth is, Chinese are too good to drive in America. We drive faster than our km/h friends but they drive with legions of bikes, scooters, people, and other things. There is an attitude or soul in China's road. It's almost like the rhythm is madness and the ones fall out of place get just bumped and now the grand Scales ACCIDENTS we get here. When you cut off somebody, that person will likely to hunk and pass you or get you in the dark but in NYC, you cut me, I cut you, then open the window and say Fuck you.

This small path leads to Jiangsu road. At one point when I was 6, this part of the town is consider my city limit. When I grow, my border gets wider as the territory expend. I sometime mark the spot with chalk or take a piss to show off my existence and the animal side.

One week has passed since I arrived Beijing's snowy morning and 50 years unseen brutal cold. My last few days in Beijing have many stories to tell and you will glimpse some exclusive photos in the upcoming days.

As I walked down the quiet path just west of the University. The street is becoming more and more crowded as I approach the big intersection below. There are a dozen car factories in China licensed to make almost any brands and models we commonly know. Many models here are exclusively for China. VW have joint venture company in China since the 80s. I still remember when I was in elementary school and the big national celebration of joint venture of VW and the making of the famous Shanghai Santana. The VW Polo is popular here since it is small and agile to navigate the troublesome streets here.

A man enjoying his morning smoke. I took several shots of him from outside crouching down. I kept one eye fix to the viewfinder while the other glances the traffic below and used my right ear to scan the traffic above like a radar.

A familiar publishing company above an old staircase. I miss this type of old structures. There is a familiar mixed smell of humidity, smog, breakfast grease, garbage, and some kind of dirty toilet odor in the air. The smell is very cozy to me and seriously when I walk by an open sewer I'd take a strong whiff just to remember how shit smells like in China.

Food is among the cheapest thing to buy here in China. But of course if you want to eat lavishly, a 7 men meal at some crazy high priced place can run you 10,000Y that's about $1464. But eat right, know what you buy, a decent 7 men meal consist of 7 dishes which could include famous dish like steamed Yangtse Sturgeon for just 500Y that's about $73.00.

Here is traditional eatery and in the morning they serve wonton, fried dumpling, fried doe twist.

Let the noise begin!!!!!!!!!!
You seen the paper, you seen TV, this is noise level at just 25%, this is nothing, just the tip of iceberg.

Back in 1984 I went to a premier top kindergarten in Gu Lou district thanks to my exceptional talents but mostly family connections. Later thanks to my good reps in the Kindergarten I was introduced to the top elementary school, Lang Ya Lu Elementary school. Then in 1986 the tuition for this school was expensive but only at 30Y per year which then was about just $2. Today the Gu Lou Kindergarten is a state renowned good place to raise your kid for future success and the elite and rich send their kids there for 40,000Y that's more than many colleges. I believe Lang Ya Lu elementary cost as much or more than 40,000Y per year. Then just a few parents come to drop off or pick up their kids. Then we know about independent and how to help our parents to save money. Then getting spoiled is something not to brag about. Many of the good characteristics from the fundamentals of simply how to be a good person are not around anymore. With the one child policy which seemed to be a money saving idea for struggling parents but become more costly since one child is all you got so often the little kings and queens get the goodies of 2 or more siblings.

City expands like a big blob from Science fiction eating up the small towns and villages that surrounds. Farm lands are more centralized toward the southern heartlands. The coastal cities are booming. Farms are gone so the farmers move into the city to fight for a share of their good living. They often find themselves in uncharted territories, doing unfamiliar jobs, fighting stats quo, prejudice and simply poverty. The government regulated overall market prices are soaring a ridiculous pace. The 10 days I was there I heard my share of bad economy. It is happening everywhere but I personally think the Chinese Gov if not the local gov puppets the market and setting their own high price for stimulation. These days many Chinese tourist arrive NY not to come here to see the culture and learn about the freedom, they rush to 5th ave to buy clothes. 10 years ago I went back to China and bought many hip looking western clothes at price they think were expensive but to me was just fraction of my USD cost. Now it's the reverse, the necessities in China have got so big expensive, I'd suggest not to use the currency exchange as a mode for discount textile items simply see the culture, eat the food, and don't buy anything from the department stores.

This part of the town remind me of Taipei. Well the KMT fled to Taiwan and they did bring a piece of their capital Nanjing characteristic to build Taipei. The #7 tallest building or #1 tallest in Jiangsu is in the background creeping out of the haze and smog. That's no fog, that's called a developing nation. I talked to a few friends and none of them like the fast paced development of China in recent years. Buildings like this one are viewed as halo buildings, or simply a competition icon.

Exclusive shot from inside a Chinese bank. It's ridiculously slow in here. This semi private bank has the timeliness of a social security office.

Drying salted ducks, sausages, underwear, and your birthday clothes is quiet a sight.

Finishing off my afternoon with one of my favorite things to eat, the Chinese mitten crab. This crab is banned by FDA for about 10 years now. This among the snakehead fish are some of the top invasive species in US. Southerners have started to eat the crabs and the snakehead and said they are exceptionally good. Duh, that's why they were imported and sold at high price. Instead of banning them, why don't American just let them in and eat them, a single crab packs more roe, meat, and flavor then 2 blue crabs combined.

The reflection casts in this man made lake is part of a beautiful scenic attraction still in development next to a reservoir. I remember this place was once very wild and you can often find my unclaimed or otherwise WILD tombs. There were ghost stories from this part of the town. But like all wild spots and countryside they've all been claimed by the state capital Nanjing.

My aunt bought a western inspired condo community in the town of Jiang Ning. The Chinese really know how to enjoy themselves. Despite the smog and haze from development. This place could become one my top choices to retire. Still, I'd like to have ashes spread into the hudson River, I love New York.

Finishing off my day in my aunt's car. She's my mother's younger sister. That Whitehouse looking structure is actually a Townhall inspired by the Whitehouse. This building caught my attention immediately and they were not surprised to hear my jitters.

To be continued ~

2306 hours Monday night. 20 minutes after I came home @ 6pm, I decided to pass out till 7pm.
As soon as my Chess buddy leaves, I'm going to pass out again. Really tired today I feel.
For now I'll post some pics from my next day of adventure by Xun Wu Lake.
Talk soon!

How come there are always dishes in my sink.
When I lived with my wife then we always had dishes in the sink. Asking her to wash dishes was very hard but then again I always spoiled her.

This was taken at an internet cafe on Shanghai Road near Nanjing University. All started when my father showed off his Canon 5D and his gigantic tripod preferred 100-400mm lens at the film festival award ceremony in Beijing. Apparently he was so out there shooting the event people took notice. Later the ceremony people demanded my uncle AFU to approach my dad for the photos he took. My father was reluctant to give the photos up in Beijing. By the 3rd day in Nanjing the ceremony people were rushing my uncle so my dad had no choice but start single out the good from the bad shots, total 250. Since grandma's house don't have internet we had to find an internet cafe to do the emailing. Each photo is 5 mbs and Gmail allows 20. So it took sometimes to email them all. Plus I get to catch up on my email readings and sending. I sent my wife 7 or 8 long emails describing my good time in China. I heard she had a tough time in Taiwan and due to lack of steady internet connection she couldn't write to me. I wrote her heart felt letters and I just got 1 paragraph and nothing else. Everyday I tried to open email to find if she returned but nothing. I thought I'm just too compassionate and can't expect everyone to be as loving as myself.

As I'm writing this, I haven't seen my wife in person for 3 weeks now. She asked me to drop by her place to pick up some stuff but I want to stay with her and drink wine and talk. Apparently she's no mood and I can totally understand her jetlag. So I told her since I'm busy getting a new car this week then why don't we meet up next weekend. By then I should have my new car. In this relationship I find myself playing more of a woman's role while she acts more like a man. I think this is the cause of our break up after 10 years. Who knows what the future lies but I need to think more for myself so if she doesn't act then I will, we need to get this legally separated then see what's up.

My step cousin Jordan Zhang just came back from Australia to Nanjing. While complaining about lack of Facebook in Nanjing I heard he took up a pretty good gig teaching English to Chinese. I joked that the he's making good money and he's good looking, so getting some fine pussy is an easy deal for him. My wife wasn't around, China's cracking down on Porn, so I was horny as hell. But most of my guy friends were surprised I didn't fuck around. I love my wife too much, although we are separated but my heart never changed. If I could love god like this I probably end up a monk.

The first pic is blurry because Jordan's dad doesn't know how to use my DSLR. My Nikon D200 was too outdated to have the new technology for liveview. So took him sometimes to figure out that he needs to look into the viewfinder.

After the dinner with Jordan I rushed back home to start my night life with my friend Arthur Tang from elementary school. We were buddies 20 years ago in Lang Ya Lu Elementary school. Since my first visit in China 1999, I've always seen him. Actually he's the only elementary school buddy I still keep in touch. He went to language school in China so his English is not bad. I bet he knows more vocabulary than me since the military style teaching in China force down a lot into one's throat. We met up at our favorite local pub LATIN. There were live performance from local rock bands to celebrate 2010. We bought a bottle of Johnny Walker which cost 360Y and translate to USD is about right 50 bucks. We drank all night and by midnight we went to another joint which sells Kebab. We dogged 30 sticks of Lamb kebab, 15 sticks of duck gizzard kebabs, 15 sticks of chicken heart kebabs. Talk about a healthy night, not.

Next day 630 AM I lounged out of my bed and I thought the Johnny was 100% genuine since I had no headache. With all that food from last night I planned a long walk in the morning.

Above and below are the entrances to Ji Ming Temple. I remember every weekend my mother used to take me to the nearby hill we call Jiu Hua Mountain. We pass by this temple but I hardly go in unless it's Ching Ming Festival or the Chinese Easter that's when we remember dead, pray to our ancestors and respect the past.

I remember that morning was one of the warmest I've had in China, temperature hovering at about 2 degrees above zero celsius which was about 35 degrees. Growing up in NYC, in winter all I want sometimes is just a few degrees above zero. Nevertheless, I'm on vacation so totally coverage is a must. I dressed in layers and finished off in an all black shell of H&M faux leather jacket and tight rocker jeans. I sport a pair of addidas hi tops and my D200 strapped on my back.

Fast forward to the present. I'm freaking tired man, I just sipped off a little wine to drawback the frustration on my mind. I'm finally settling down with a new car. The brand new car will require full insurance coverage and that's about $500 more what I'm paying now. Nevertheless, I have face the future and embrace the past, learn my mistakes and challenge myself for a brighter future. What am I talking about, let me sip again and try to feel my way back to 1 week ago in China. This blog project now really seem endless, I have to keep my promise and keep on writing.

When writing feels like work then it's time to stop.
While walking on the Pine lined Beijing West Road I sent a quick text message to my friend Arthur to again thank him for coming out last night and wished him good luck in 2010.
A group a high school students appeared in front me. I checked them out and see they are just a bunch of silly guys thus pointless for me show off my swagger filled style I jumped into the nearby bushes and found myself on a stone path up North Point Cliff. This is a hill or cliff which is part of a chain of hills and mountains which surrounds Xun Wu Lake and extend to further east.
Wow, Xun Wu lake costs 20Y? When I was 10 this place only cost 0.30Yuan. Can't cheap out for this place, I used to hate this place because it's so boring to me. When I was young I preferred the most wild untainted nature sanctuary. I'm still the same but Xun Wu lake was then hated but now bring back so much memory. I have to say, Nanjing seemed more beautiful than 3 years ago. This place is still so fucking polluted compare to the old city I use to know. But this city has grown so much and some of the pollution have settled.

The sun was rising from the far east and the streams of lights broke apart the overnight smog and haze. The sky illuminated in purple then gold and extended into the blue then mixed with fresh smog but white clouds are still in eye sight. Thin ice barely broken hang on tight and soon or later the temperature would rise to about 40 but overnight the brotherhood of ice should reappear over these waters. I was so glad for waking up early to catch a glimpse of an early morning sunrise. I remember one morning my grandfather and I ventured out our summer heated home and cheered by the singing frogs, we talked about lily pads and lotus stalks until the sun casted our shadows as if we were giants.

On the way back home I passed a small groups of marketeers. The street market used to be so much bigger before the supermarkets took over. I liked the old style market. They were not regulated so you could see all types of raw and live food material and more chance to bargain some amazing prices. But street market sell live poultry and SARS becomes harder control. That black and yellow wish you see is not snakehead but equally good tasting and they are also aggressive. They are a local specie of catfish we call UnCi. It's an aggressive local catfish that eat almost anything so if it is introduced to US somehow could become another invasive specie along with the Burmese Python.
Everybody was in love, I was quick but not too quick on the focus, little dogs have no idea about safe sex.

Fast forward again to the present. Amazing it's one week already since I came back. So far my project is 3/4 finished. I'm relieved because the end is near and some of the best photos and stories are coming soon.

To be continued ~

Been planning to write this for sometime now. When I was sipping my Bourbon today at Milady's the bar by the corner of Thompson and Prince I thought about finishing this photo journal which is long past due. I kept on putting on these excuses but yet I really don't want to my leisure writing into some kind of work, at least not yet maybe.

This is my big auntie Zhao Yi sitting on my grand mother's bed. This bed has history and one day it will be in my family's museum. Many bodies have slept on this bed include my own. These windows face the south and when the winter sun rise from east southern hemisphere, these windows and curtains help diffuse the light to studio perfect quality.

An entourage of souls consist of body guards made up of son and son inlaw, daughter inlaw, daughters, and I, grandson PYZ who is the photographer. Grandma is being pampered by these hysterical beings. I think the old lady just want some relaxation but yet I think these drama fuels and drives her to create more beautiful literatures. Walk down 二條巷 Second lane, we desperatly trying to beat the cold and meet the people we will have lunch with.

After a whole day and night of attending banquets, snacking, eating and drinking more, toasting to every holiday we've missed in the last ten years, and we continued to eat and drink away the good time and fuel the kitchen fire that's lighting up the wok with your own hard earned cash. Money well spent uncles and aunts, I've enjoyed.

The Alcohol knocked me out at around 12am and before I slept I had made sure the 2 advils and 2 large cups of water have been administered. The Hangover prevent is a must when I'm on vacation.

The next day at about 620 I sort of woke thanks to my biological alarm clock. At the same time, just as promised, my father excitedly called me except to find his son already up and ready to go. Still the old man beat me to it a little. I dressed accordingly and Nanjing on that was really warm, hovering a few degrees above freezing.

We attempted to take the #11 bus to our destination but instead we hailed down a cab for the extra comfort and speed. Taxis are cheap in Nanjing these days but hard to hail one down though even so many of them clog up the streets and sometimes the driver simply don't want to sell.

The Taxi drove us up the same familiar route up then down the purple mountain. The six hundred year old great wall of the Southern capital are still sprouting with greens whether vines or small bamboos shooting up among pockets of bamboo woods shades up the morning soft lights. Our taxi made several U-turns after we discovered our secret path or short cuts to Lake Front have already been fenced up for entrance fee and one could imagine whats commercialism might have done to the natural beauty that exist now only in my dreams. I heard there is golf range built on the shore of lake Front. This was such a magical place where I grew up with the nature and I forever cherish those good memories.

The damage of mankind hardly unveiled thanks to the morning fog that just grew more intense as the sun rose from behind the ancient city walls. My father and I have walked away much of our morning hunting for shots with our gears and scaring away morning stroller and runners alike with our celebrity photographer attitude.

There are 3 major lakes of the Mount Purple are ZiXia 紫霞 lake front 前湖 Lake Loquat. Zixia is at a higher elevation since it is actually an abandoned mine.

Our taxi took a familiar path into the woods near the edge of Lake Loquat. Years ago this path used to be all muddy and created by adventures seeking for that ultimate Utopia. This lake used to be smaller in volume, grassier, more dangerous, wilder, and uncontrolled. I remember my first time ventured to this body of water was when I was 9 and one day I decided to be like an older kid and take a foot adventure to this lake. This place was Jurassic park then with big Skinks and Lizards running wild. Stone crabs underneath the pebbles washed smooth by streams above. Dark shadows lurks beneath the lake surface and glimpse of large Snakehead fish tails flap the murky water where 6 foot carps lurk.

April 18 1985, this was my fifth birthday. Somehow I remember this night. Perhaps I have my memories mixed up with my other birthdays. I remember my father was working at the TV movie set. My mother was working overtime. There were winds howling outside and the early monsoon washed away newly bloomed peach flowers. Pink pedals were all over the washed concrete. No cake was prepared. I was obviously disappointed. So instead my grandmother cleverly made up my cake with these butter rolls and 1 large candle to symbolize +1.

I arrived Yuan Ming Yuan during a sudden and brutal storm that crippled this city. The snow were getting blown sideways drifting across the ancient ruins and drifted onto the hills to become unevenly high snow ridges.

The solid 8 hour sleep on the expensive D-Train was very comfortable. I dreamed of my wife and I. I really missed her when I was in China and wished how things were better.

Beijing was witnessing the coldest day since 1951 at 16 minus which was about 2 degrees in the US.
Equipped with my D200, 18-200mm Shoot anything Lens, I braved the cold and distinguished between land and lake since everything was white and the risk of falling through ice was high. 2 pairs of thermos and heavy jeans. 7 layers of light cloth and turtle necks sheathed by a H&M faux leather jacket.

I ended my last night of vacation in the privacy and warm hospitality of An American girl and Lee from Detroit whom married my Cousin the ambitious freelancing Art Director, and their 5 unregistered dogs birthed by a stray dog that comes and go but also treats friend of the owner with respect and distance. The dogs were often harassed by their 2 cats. The cats were to clever for the loyal dogs, the dogs had no choice but let the cats have their ways.

This part of Beijing is still within city limit but this is very suburban like already. This part of the town was hardly plowed and seemingly poorer neighborhoods always get neglected by the Feds, US is the same.

This is a housing village for the artists. My cousin rent this spacious loft for a bargain. Since the heat isn't well supplied he designed and built his huge wood burning furnace. Since Beijing is arid in climate, we dumped buckets of water on the burning metal can and the steam gives up to make us less vulnerable to a bloody nose. I got to chop some fire wood which was quiet an experience. We roasted French influenced chicken and drank warm Chinese white Whiskey until the wolf started howling and the moon shined as white as the snowfield beneath.

The very next day cousin Fu's Chauffeur wheeled me out of the village on slippery roads. Many drivers I've seen here aren't adaptive to snowy roads and one would assume Northerners know how to handle snow but this American tourist from New York actually have teach the Chauffeur a few points and tricks I have learned from maneuvering NY traffic.

I can't believe I have finally finished my Journal. I admit I have hastily finished therefore I will continue to add more photos to this so check often. Thanks!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2009-12-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Wish you all a very merry Christmas and a blasted Happy New Year.
I'm leaving for China to visit relatives and spend some relaxing time to clear my head for the new year.
I won't have access to WWW often but if I happen to surf the NET I will definitely bring you to date as to my latest status and next destination.
My wife told me to be more adventurous when I'm out alone.
I told her baby don't worry I will fun but not to the point to give my Joystick away, LOL.

Relatives

2009-12-20T23:32:00.000-05:00

I'm very much not used to having a huge family gathering here in the states. Of course compare to some people I know in New York, I might seem to have a more extended family but compare to my Italian and Irish friends then forget about it, I seem less family oriented.

Cousin SHX zoning out over hot water and Whiskey. Cousin Ian just dropped in from Toronto. We met up a the White Slab in the lower east side of Manhattan.

I only met him once before today. 3 years ago we probed his Beijing penthouse secret hide out and only caught a glimpse of him with his long hair and huge headset who was surfed out looking like a Cali white boy but quickly emerges from deep in his voice cord is that Beijing slang he uses hustling among the HuTongs. Here he is munching on the good food.

In her garden apartment house in deep China town. When shared a few Whiskeys and smoked camel lights in his garden backyard but now filled with knee high snow. We were down to the basics without microwave but quickly heat up instant Pizza. Ian shared milk tea with our older sister Sara. She is very close to him and I'm trying to get to know them but there is a long way to go. But one thing is clear, SHX is definitely one of the Yangs with her ability to a make a home cozy and a hedonist and fashion expert.

This moment is so special to me. I'm so glad I dragged myself out of my den from an otherwise perfect day to be lazy amidst all the snow and slushy drama. We shared conversations and I almost didn't know how to react to these strangers but somethings made our conversation connect, I feel there is a certain attraction, I don't really know you yet but I can smell the family out of you.

Why did you want to first eat Dunkin Donuts for Dinner like a cop then decide to eat Mcdonald when we could have Taiwanese pork chop, Pho, or San Bao Fan, but you want to at what? The southern friend chicken hit the spot though.

Blizzard of 2009

2009-12-20T03:12:00.000-05:00

3AM in a blizzardry Sunday morning I haven't slept yet because I am excited to participate in this dramatic storm of the end of 2009. My backyard is starting to look like Siberia. Although I have easy access to my car which parked right in the front but how am I going to get out is a big problem. Tomorrow, Subway and walking are in, and definitely have to keep it fashionable.

Around 230AM in the morning. I haven't slept and decided to open the mesh of the left window just besides me and barrier with the black curtain. As I watched TV I turned left and I looked out, mother nature is doing her work. Incredible.

Insomnia

2009-12-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

I couldn’t sleep all night. I think it was the KTV and the BAR I visited got me all fired up.

My friend from Seagate opened a KTV and Bar in Flushing. I know that kind environment is not for me but I tried to fit in and just to have fun. I had like 2 Johnny black and 3 beers. Surprisingly I was so uptight I couldn’t feel any alcohol. There were beautiful hostesses there to play with but I had no interest. I felt very restricted. I know I don’t belong there but I wanted to open myself up and step out the comfort zone. I left a bit early and all I can think about is the extra spending from this week and how I need to get back on my routine ASAP to cook instead of buying lunch. I was at a war with myself all night. One year after I lived in my bachelor pad I’m beginning to feel some major emotional changes. I feel like a volcano is erupting inside. I kept reminding myself that I’m no longer a boy and I need carry out things on my own and my wife can not always be there to help me make decisions. All of a sudden my path seemed so dim. I view myself differently. I actually for the first time found myself with esteem issues. I admit to myself how much I value a good work and equally good rewarding money. All night I tumbled back and forth. The thought of don’t think so much and just do it repeatedly slapped myself like cold ice water and wake myself up from nightmares. I left the house 645am and faced the brutal skin cracking cold wind.

The sunshine was really beautiful this morning. The frontal system moved East while the sun breaks apart the lingering clouds as if the living room blinds were pulled up for the welcoming sunshine.

Happy Holidays

Peter Zhao

Ocean Import Department

Fedex Trade Networks

1 Cross Island Plaza Suite 307 & 308

Rosedale, NY 11422

Email: Peter_Zhao@ftn.fedex.com

Tel 718-481-8888 ext 4114

Fax 718-481-8883

The Purple Promise-
"I will make every FedEx experience outstanding."

what do I really want

2009-12-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The more I drink the more I think.
It's too damn quiet in the room, let me put on some music.
Ah, much nicer.
My stomach is empty, the smell of kimchi noodles thrill me like a prisoner who hasn't seen a women for 15 years.
I don't know what right or wrong.
Seriously for the last 10 years living out with my love. Now we are separated for reasons until now I still can not understand. I choose not to understand and divert my attentions to career. But the more I complain the more I want to explain just what do I really want, what do I really need, what do I know about who I am, and What do I really know exactly what is true and a lie.
Now I got an interview tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I will get it. But how will I react to it, come Pete it's not a life or death decision, its just job, be a man, don't think, don't act like I got 2 kids and wife because I don't just do it. Please!!!

Today's Facebook Quotes

2009-12-08T18:06:00.001-05:00

Too lazy to cook and too busy to think, cure??? Sipping JWB straight, indulging Godiva Truffles, stretch back relax and smell the basil chicken and fresh tomatoes in my head then transcend from the mind to a pair of working hands.

Learned nothing good from corporate America except handling more stress and be a good diplomat but the bad things are plenty like selfish, back stab, rat, snake, improper usage of HR, envy, sloth, gluttony, jealousy, hatred, spite, putting people on mute and laugh at them, talking on the speaker like I'm mr. Big, and so thick skinned just call me Tin Tin.

Is my brain different from other or am I just mentally retarded??? What do they mean by, "slow down", "take it one thing at a time", "take it easy", "don't think so much", I don't F-ing get it, what is so difficult? Make matter worth, I'm told to call the PEOPLE HELP hotline!!! Hello??? Haven't I complained enough already. THANK YOU FACEBOOK.

birthday card for nobody

2009-12-06T02:15:00.001-05:00

Today we had our first snow, although it was wet snow mixed with rain, but the 35 degrees temperature and the 25 degrees wind chills sent smiles to my face and tears streamed down my cheeks because I haven't felt this cold since last winter. Winter is here again, I sighed with a big smile and mumbled to myself while admiring my shadow casted on the brick wall. The streetlights were beautiful, casting warm shadows one after another as I walked in the wet snowy rain. I felt so hollywood like.

This little card I purchased from Barnes and Noble is for my own collection. One day it might ended up in someone's trash or admired while dusted on someone's office desk months after my birthday wishes. But for now, I bought this not only because it's a Unicef card for the kids but mainly it's a cute little card. I chose this one over another clever pink card with a little pink elephant chewing a surreal carrot.

I sat on barnes and noble's floor for hours downing a large cup of dark coffee while digesting a stack of photography books. Afterwards I walked through the holiday section hoping to find some innovative gift ideas for my visit to China end of the months. I saw this card and immediately I felt my cheeks blush and my ear lobes heat up. My heart beat faster and I reached out my shaky hands to grasp this cute little card. I love how the important pieces protrude out of the background for the 3D feel. The design is simple, crisp, and just too lovely to be abandoned on this shelf I thought I had to buy this. It must be the stress I have these days. Oh the terrible times I endured this year. My eyes were teary as I held onto this card and zoned out. I wish I'm inside this painting and sip my tea while enjoying the colors around me.

I have been beaten up by this world. I fell down too many times. I dusted myself and patched the bruises. Everyday is a rebirth for me. Tonight I felt like a new man. Happy birthday Peter, Happy birthday to myself.

Breezy and Cold

2009-11-30T23:31:00.000-05:00

Saturday was one of those breezy and cold late autumn day with wind chills that previews an upcoming harsh winter. The wind was howling and people on the street can be seen in subzero outfits and gears. This mother was particular catchy with a bright red bubble jacket that's short just above her hips. She had a pair of tight jeans on and her sexy behind was just as catchy as her red jacket. The kid was sitting inside an extra large stroller that's coated with a shiny red blanket. My D200 rested on my thighs and I quietly but swiftly moved my lens across the cabinet and pointed at the hustling mother who was just about to exit. She was catching quiet an attention and I busily took shots.

Flat Iron building, so many shots, so many people taking them, and so many of them look the same. I just walked pass the building and by the middle of the block there is a photo shop called Duggal. When I exited the store the sunlight was still high and hitting the top of the buildings while the wind howls away. I looked left and saw the famous building blended in with it's sister, brothers, and cousins, and they all seem so much like just buildings. I love this perspective, it's so not the cliche but it is still flat iron building.

What caught my attention was obviously the sign Framing and the store sold picture frames. There was a guy sitting by the door front. I wanted to compose the shot which will provoke the question about my framing technique. That's exactly my approach since this captured the subject framing very well.

I like bikes, here we have a motorbike that's not so muscle-like yet next to it a manual mechanical bike that could build muscles.

I liked the hand rails perpendicular to each other at equal distance apart. A lady sits by the middle section. I wanted to present an oddly tiring mentality by selectively focusing on the first row yet to pick a F# that's not too deep.

I'm tired, going to sleep, I will update this tomorrow.

FW: HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2009-11-27T12:46:00.001-05:00

I like to share with everyone an email exchange I've had with one of my mentor, a father, a friend, and a dedicated passionate leader.

For privacy I will keep him anonymous.

Peter Zhao
Ocean Import Department

From:
Sent: Friday, November 27, 2009 9:58 AM
To: Peter Zhao
Subject: HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Good morning, PZ. Boy, you sure can make a guy feel good first thing in the morning. Your words and thoughts humble me and you too have a blessing and gift of making people feel good about themselves and that is something to be thankful for on these days of giving thanks. We all have gifts, but not all of us OPEN those gifts inside of us. But of course, my friend Socrates said, sometimes we must lose ourselves in order to find our true SELF.

On an overcast rainy day, words can magically transform dreariness to sunshine. I always believed, whatever ones political persuasion, that a man like former President Ronald Reagan ALWAYS had it right because his core beliefs were his core beliefs and he never swayed from them. In his eyes no matter how bad things may appear in our country sometimes, it was always “a new dawn, a new day, and we were always that shining example, we were always America – the greatest country in the free world…warts and all, where even a man like him who loved the theatre and was a good movie actor…believed that ANYTHING was possible…even becoming the President of the United States of America. You see Peter, ANYTHING is possible in America. We do not have to be defined by our positions or titles in the workplace. With focus and dedication and desire, WE CAN do and BE anything we set out in our lives. It’s the true essence of the wonderful American spirit.

Your description of my travels and travails made me chuckle. I see those empties stockpiled all the time and you know what I think about PZ…..that one day, they will be gone. That a new day will dawn on America. One day. My secret, live it and be the best we can be ONE day at a time. I stopped traffic yesterday. Getting off the ramp of the Grand Central Pkwy

…with a car full with my kids, wife and In-Laws (who just came back from China)….I stopped my Jeep, held up cars for 10 seconds and put a few bucks in a homeless man’s can who was sadly begging for money so he could eat. He was on crutches. I take ONE day at a time, and try to do ONE great thing every day of my life and everything else seems to follow in line my boy.

Oh, and as far as the Express Lane

, I was laughing, BUT only laughing WITH you not at you BECAUSE I’ve mistakenly taken that bloody Express and missed my local exit to the good ol’ Garden State Pkwy

…but over time we learn, and most importantly we learn to LAUGH, because my cousin the Cardiologist has always told me – that the BEST medicine in the world is laughter.

From: Peter Zhao
Sent: Friday, November 27, 2009 8:20 AM

Subject: RE: HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Good morning sir,

I had to skip my morning shower to put in an extra 15 minutes of sleep before scrambling to the highway like jet fighter as if the Russians MIGS are coming. Little did I know I was doing Mach 3 speed on wide open lanes which struck me and thought “this sucks”! =)

Thank you so much for this warm blooded gesture and as always the *********** way of making everyone here so happy. You are the type who brings hot coal to the frozen and the cold. In this world we need people like you among a sea of zombies. Of course I share the same talent to paint the colors in the black and white routines of Pleasantville USA.

I was driving through the Holland tunnel, glance over the field of containers by Bayonne then onto 78, 95, GSP, US9, 18, then Freehold. I celebrated with Chicken and Duck with heads and butts still attached rather then the stuffed big bird of the thanksgiving symbolism.

I made the mistake of hopping on the express lane of GPS instead of the local again, and I was laughing inside thinking ***** will tease me since these are his familiar but numbing routes.

I’m sipping my Mikey D coffee, talk to you later.

Have a great weekend

Let's chat Monday with pictures from Saturday

2009-11-23T20:22:00.000-05:00

After spending 5 days under tremendous stress and anxieties I finally ventured my life into the uncontrolled choreograph free 2 days of pure my own well being, the weekend.

Without having to worry about the department obligation, service to my external client and equally important internal customers plus the various Corporation dramas, politics, cut throat back stabbings, and toilet washed efforts, I finally have my own personal freedom, a world I call Mine.

Saturday and Sunday were great weathered, sunny, but a little chilly when wind picks up from the North. Summer drew no traces and winter is coming fast. I took these from Caumsett State Park in Huntington NY.

This another wonderful historic site and nature preserve. The tycoons of the past left behind the futures ahead with their legacy built on solid bricks, woods, steels, and tainted glasses in the form of great mansions, halls, and gardens. Now these places are roamed by fitness fanatics who choose to bike, walk, and run through unguided trails or paved roads.

A once prosperous green house kept alive by garden keepers so the vines, brushes, and leaves are well trimmed and groomed according to the master's standard. Now the green house is managed by itself, nature takes over in it's own horrific yet beautiful mystifying course.

I peaked into the woods and try to look beyond these hills after I opened this curtain of leaves. I found nothing except the shadows of weathered trees as dusk approaches and Monday is ever so near.

A big tree growing on Marshall field and I see a SUV driving through at the limit of 15 mph. An Osprey flies high but glance deeper than the earthworm digging while the sparrow chases on but had no idea the claws drew ever closer as the eagle dive like Kamakazi bomber.

My mood could have taken a dramatic swing downturn but I didn't let anything bother me today. I was called to the office and I knew what is coming. The countless hours and towering efforts now translate to nothing more than 10 pages of a formal write up which consisted 7 pages of moronic corporation policies and 3 pages of great reasons why Peter Yang Zhao needs a written warning to improve his performance. I gave them nothing but a firm smile and said I've done all I can but I'm making the number therefore guilty as charged. But I really wanted to tell them why don't you hire some pretty lady and spank me perhaps I will feel turned on and do more work.

Wife asked me how come I'm so happy on the phone even though I was written up. I told her I had to hype myself up and see the positive side even when a write up is making negative impact to my job portfolio but nevertheless believe in myself and know just who and how my attitude affects my life and know the system problem is to blame.

Almost one year ago my wife had the sudden impulse to tell me at just one week before Christmas that she wants to move apart. Now one year later living as a bachelor I feel it's time to break the comfort zone and step out to feel the real world again. I've decided to stop giving myself excuses, to end my daily complains, and to know I am nearly 30 with great experience, talents, potential, and no packages to carry, but only I need to strike down the fear and kick away the comfort and start over.

Chatting Monday and look at the pictures from Saturday. I just stepped away to put what's defrosted back into the frozen state because the blog has taken too much free time from me to cook and my stomach is growling. Still dishes are there to be washed and my floor needs dusted.

love myself first

2009-11-17T21:38:00.003-05:00

Flushing Stories

2009-11-16T23:19:00.000-05:00

Chili powder and roasted lamb on a stick.

Sunday afternoon near 37th Ave and Main Street, a family picnics next to a uighurs Kebab stand.

He quietly watches over a crowd of pigeons congregate like the scattered after church assembly nearby. I captured them via Nikkor 70-300mm VR telescopic lens at F 5.6 1/500 EV step +2.3 ISO400. He was sitting next to the Civil War Monument on the center Island of Northern Blvd near Linden Place.

A thrift shop on 32nd Ave where 2nd hand furnitures are sold.

This view was once blocked by a store front which sat at this spot for so long it became a landmark. Flushing is changing not just because of the closing of stores by the economical current but here lives are thriving and new stores are opened as much as the old stores are closed. Flushing is alive.

This is one of the oldest building Flushing and perhaps one of the oldest in New York City.
he John Bowne House is located in Flushing, Queens, New York, in the United States. Built around 1661, it was the location of a Quaker meeting in 1662 that resulted in the arrest of its owner,John Bowne. Since 1947, Bowne House has been a museum.

The signs of Union Street

Nightmares

2009-11-14T10:45:00.001-05:00

Sipping my coffee while I peek out the window to see an otherwise dreadful rainy Saturday morning now tinted with the golden haze of the new born morning sun delight. It's a beautiful day after all. Pigeons are flying in groups and a near by Red tailed hawk awaits patiently for the weakling to fall out of formation.

I resisted to close my eyes and later found myself walking ghostly through the bedroom floor and stood by the window to feel the fresh air. The red wine didn't not pass me out to avoid certain nightmare. A continuation of similarity through 3 nightmares that haunted me and I must say the dream finally ended as another chapter of science fiction dream begins.

Two nights ago I ended the first nightmare with screams and defiance to breakaway a motherly obsession and a son's goal to seek happiness through solitude but obviously she thought differently. The dream was terribly real. It signified the pain and struggle I've had in real time with one of the people I care and love the most.

Last night I found myself in a similar situation, an almost continuation of what had happened the night before but this time it was more dramatic, almost horrific movie like features, the thrill of the knife point in the shower scene of psycho, I woke in chills, sweat, and hard breathings.

There we were, cuddled in the fashion only described in the love of two young hearts. Surprisingly, we laid and shared our love talks on the very bed I grew up in. In a third person perspective. The narration of the dream starts deep in the center hall where the glass dinner table sits. Moving forward in a dizzy trance, swaying back and forth, up and down, the view of the bedroom door send cozy and comforting soft light to the viewer. Myself laying there with the love of my life resting on my shoulder. We were chatting, mumbling in words only true lovers can comprehend. Suddenly I heard a call of my name from the bedroom next door. "This can't be, I thought no one's home but us?" "Could the owner of this house is actually home and listening in on our private conversation?" The narration point now backs out of my bedroom and shifts suddenly to the left to find the shape of a person twisting underneath bed sheet with only her face glowing in a greenish pale light.

My name was called again and quickly I was summoned into the master bedroom. My love followed behind and greets her but gained no response. Perhaps the years of straining arguments and pointless fights have finally put a heavy toll and burdened my subconscious. Am I longing for another fight or do I sense another emotional suffering about to begin. The dream maybe foreshadowing the near future.

Inside the bedroom, a powerful dialog strikes a fierce war that translates the struggle of a single working mother and her wishes for the well being of her only son's future but her son has his own distinct mentality and often rebelliously seek for his nature but often settles down into a selfless struggle to find fairness for all. His diplomatic character often led him to pain and despair. The third person perspective now darkens and the view point shrunk into the conversation of the two in a glowing white halo envelops the two which the man now viewed as a little boy curled in a fetal position as his mother grabbed onto him tightly. He struggles to break free but she continues to pressure in and as if he's about to slip into a black hole and lost forever. I see myself growing in her embrace from a boy to a teen and to a fully grown man. Finally I broke free but only find myself on my knees pleading. She seemed larger than life towering over with obsessive attitude telling me how much she loves me and I'm trying to gain the justified edge but each time struck down by her ideology.
Finally I viewed myself standing up, and suddenly the power roles reversed and I see myself proudly telling off the accomplishments I have gained and showed off the medals and trophies I've earned as a successful business man, an artist, and a lover.

Suddenly I woke up in a burst of anger, pain, fear, with heavy breathings. I turned my head to find her sleeping beautifully and the wind outside is still howling. I resisted to sleep again fearing the dream will continue. I whispered to myself to stay strong just like how I have kept my chin up in real time and I should apply the same principles even if I'm haunted in my dreams... ...

sunday afternoon photo session

2009-11-09T17:16:00.001-05:00

Meet Ms. B, 20 something from New York City. Our mutual friend set us up for a photo shoot. I approached her a few weeks ago on facebook and let her into my flickr galleries to know what i like to shoot. After introducing my style and what I am recently working to develop, I learned she's looking to build a portfolio and she doesn't mind non-studio setting photos.

Just like that, we arranged an occasion on a warm Nov sunday afternoon somewhere in lower manhattan. The sun was coming directly from the sky. As soon as we met, i introduced her to the small shadowy side streets and we ran for cover.

We stopped here and there and click a few shots. Admitting, unlike my other sessions, she's entirely unfamiliar, a total stranger, a 100% client, and my starting point. I took my lovely assistant along, well she is more like an art director and she has seen more opportunities than I am since you mostly find me in the woods doing macro photography on bugs and buds. She was using her yashica mat shooting 120 format film. Can't wait to see them, she is mastering the art of medium format although she tells me to keep it more humble. This red bricks wall I found on thompson street was my first favorite spot. The direct sun at noon was intense, I wanted to take her shots wide open F 1.8 which was impossible even at 1/2500 shutter and i took the EV off a few notch @ ISO200. Luckily right here, the brick wall was two toned being one side is painted in black and the dark absorbed some of the bright lights. Then there is the roof top which focuses a oval shaped spotlight and drapes right over her face and little bit down to her waist. There was enough shades to allow me to open my aperture to F2 @ 1/800 and raised EV to +1.7 to brighten the face. Later on photoshop, I introduced a little darker shadow, lowered the contrast but brightened the highlights.

She ordered a simple Japanes Shumai from one of my favorite eatery nearby called Hirokos which is a Japanese comfort food place. This is where you will find western style japanese home cooking, great desserts, and over all cozy environment to get to know your first date or a first client. From strangers to knowing a little more about each others. I had to control my tendency of being TMI (too much information). Now she's smiling naturally as if I'm a family member, we packed our bags and headed out.

I love manhattan, there are always something you can find and places you might have been through more than a few times still come up with new tastes. Here, a never seen before opened door which leads down to the basement happened to be open just for us. I asked to step down a little and framed her within the frame. I didn't use a polarize to cancel the reflection because this is exactly what I was conveying.

Here are a few more examples of our lovely Sunday afternoon. The weather was really cooperating as we, New Yorker shed our layers of subzero survival gear to be spoiled by a little summertime in late fall. Although we were touching nearly 70 but the streets were filled with fashion from all seasons. This is the season to get sick because we don't really know what is dressed for comfort.

I was recently reading a lighting technique book by michael greco. He taught celebrity photo shoot and in his photos we would have photo team, various lights, and often shot with large format. I remember one chapter he used a big tree for stage prop to create shadows on the face. Some by the book people would not recommend drawing up a beautiful face with shadows and line. We are new yorkers, we can be light or sometimes dark, I like to write proper or cap here and lower case there. The pre golden hour sun was hitting the black wall direct and sharp but thankfully filtered by the big tree. Each tree branch narrows the light and makes it more intense like gauze, I had to photoshop a little since some parts of her face were a little washed out. This is done F 3.5 1/800 ISO 400 EV +2 stops.

I've never been a fan of reading novels. Text books are my favorite. Lately I've been digging through many books when I visit barnes and nobles. I envy those who writes and quotes famous passages from people or relating events or subject to another famed style of someone famous worthy of inspiration. One day you will see my blogging filled with comparison like this one is inspired by who and who, so and so.
This corner shot done F 14 1/500 EV 1.6+ stop. There was a biker resting at the corner pushing his weights against the edge. I walked up and courteously asked him to give up the spot for me and the lovely Ms. B. The sun was blinding so I chose a higher F stop for the occasional sun ray and for sharpness. To brighten her face and soften the edges I used a gold reflector directing 45 degrees lights thanks to my assistant.

F 4.5 1/2500 Ev 0.
I used a reflector to lighten up her face while shooting against the sun. I asked her to raise her knees just enough for a ray off beams to be reflected from the nearby harbor. She has beautiful curves, I played the shadows around her thighs to make it more tantalizing.
This was near Riverside Park near westside highway. This is by the Kayak depot, not many people strays around so it's a great spot to do some tweakings with comforting privacy.

The metal gate played well in this part. I pretty much wrapped up my session here. I asked her to extend out her hands but don't press against the wall so the light could cast shadows around her fingers. I carefully positioned myself so the bars and shadows won't be too messy. I regret I didn't leave much space above her head for some breathing rooms.

Another play of bars and shadows. This time against the sun and I was using TTL flash, EV 2.7+ stop.
I asked her grip the fence behind her and pull them as if she was ejecting from the cockpit of a jet fighter.

This one, done @ F 1.8 1/2000 ISO 400 EV 2.7+ stop.
I was inside a warehouse facing her through a slightly mud smudged framed glass window. She was kneeling on the bench. We did a few shots before I asked her to remove her glasses but teasingly hold them in her lips. She knew just what to do and I bet many guys fell on their knees for this traffic stopping pose. I wanted her to bite the glasses frame to radiate the feeling of some high school 17 year old crush which may still resides in each one of us. I wanted the glasses to resemble a pencil. She posed just the way I like it. The dirty window was remarkable however I made huge mistake in this series. I focused so much in composing a shot filled with teasing sexual energy and innocence but failed to work on her posture. I should have directed her arch her back, raise her hips but instead she was pushing out her tummy too much. She's very well figured and highly maintained. But even with people like A-ROD with almost 0% body fat can seem overwhelmed a little near the tummy region if posture is not enforced. I regret I didn't pay attention however this was a great discovery and I'd definitely learned a lesson.

On the reverse, I'm shooting her from behind as she poses against the same dirty window now she arches her back and show off her great buttocks. Although in my eyes her backside is perfect but to any girls there are the bad side of everything. If I included her thighs leading down to her high heels, we, guys would be cheering. But she might find the reason to feel less than perfect. So rather shooting for playboy I reserved the attitude but raised a heat a little by framing just before the thighs. This creates the same feeling of mini skirt which imagination could heats up the matter much more than just bare skin. This was done @ F 2.5 1/800 Ev 2.7+ stop. I used a polarizer to warm up the colors as well as ridding the unnecessary glares to focus an otherwise washed out sun to make it more sphere like in the reflection.

I love this gate matter of fact I call this the gateway. This behind the slammer feel and her darker serious look made realize how talented she is. She's a great actor. She's able to manipulate her looks and the feel which makes my shooting real easy. But during our session I was not the just the man holding the big camera but before any pose I would try them myself and she just giggles because I looked so stupid. This was her favorite shot and was my favorite setting.

On the way to welcome the setting sun. The perfect moment of the golden hour has arrived. With a little help of the reflector and adequate DOF I played a safe composition accompanied by back lights, warm color, skyline, and vanishing point. Notice the rainbow flare or paranormal term ORB. This is unavoidable using DSLR unless I have titanium filter. But having them are fun and can be easily removed by Photoshop.

We ended the session with a series of shots I took of her standing on an intersection Island where fast move cars were zipping around us. Here I captured her with F11 1/15 to create the classic speed blur and sharp attitude.

In conclusion, my very first one on one photo session went very well. I think I planned well to initiate the session. The books I read and the experiences I heard all played their parts well. Best of all, I didn't just go with my shots head strong and confidence filled. Instead I was psychologically aware of my client and I made sure the comfort of what she had in mind played through with my techniques. She was very flexible which allowed me the edge to let go and play with my originality. I learned some lessons and hope the viewers of my blog, facebook, and flickr could continue to give me constructive helpful critiques.

Mitsubishi evo x

2009-11-05T23:21:00.000-05:00

Fade Away

2009-11-05T20:08:00.000-05:00

Before the alcohol mellows my emotions away, let me write down my feelings before they go away.
Smooth jazz at work keep me smooth operation, back home iron maiden keeps my head banging.
The keyboard strokes like piano playing, i turn off the music to keep my mind focus and flowing.
I am still hanging, dangling like the last leave resist from falling.
The gravity is strong and i feel the pulling, a little voice inside remind me the teenage angst I am still holding.
The pot is boiling and the water is spilling.
I am running because in the kitchen my dumplings are cooking.
My bank account is slow, the month just starting,
cooking lunch and eat at home, money saving I am discipline.
Pour me a glass and fade my day away, set me straight before my mind goes back to the cave when humans stray.
Tomorrow is another day, then another glass to fade me away.

reviewing some photos from the weekend of nov 8 2008 last year

2009-11-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

what was i doing last year around now. the following works were taken last year during the weekend of 110808.

surprised to see how nice these compositions were when i took them with my Nikon D50. i think i was using a Tamron 18-200 telescopic lens. This was shot at 18mm and F9 1/560 IS400 with built in flash. this was taken on one of the longer trail inside sands point state park. the trail was completely covered by fallen leaves in fiery red. still there were enough green leaves to make this place really colorful instead of just red or yellow.

from upper floor inside guggenheim. this was the saturday before i went to sandspoint on a sunday but i remember that saturday was wet and cold. people congregate like penguins.

haha, i remember last year i was into tricks and this one i was shifting the lens on slower exposures. this is what i call digital impressionism.

yes i recall last year was my prime in making beautiful reflections and everything i shoot have a particular symmetry. i was concerned about balancing the composition. sandspoint is a beautiful place which reminds to visit the north shores of long island this coming up weekend.

imagine having your wedding here during this season.

picture the white gong glides over maple leaves like rose pedals.

and she walks away

Halloween Sickness

2009-10-31T17:08:00.000-04:00

Door bell is ringing off the hook. Kids are dashing through the halls in full costumes or otherwise a mask or two. Too bad I have nothing to offer them but a few germs and bugs. I took Monday off over some cold symptoms and went to work the rest of the week. I was prepared to feel better so I can walk the streets of Manhattan geared up with Nikon toys for the Halloween spirits but only to wake up this Saturday feeling sicker than ever. Luckily I'm not getting much Flu like symptoms but if this worsens I will make sure I see a doctor on Monday since that stupid H1N1 Swine flu is at large.

I love New York, I love the Yankees, We are back.

2009-10-29T23:51:00.002-04:00

the fighting man

2009-10-28T13:05:00.001-04:00

Last night I came home feeling really lazy. I just sat in front my pc and stared at the screen like a full time writer with a serious case of writer's block. Later I posted something sentimental which almost made myself cry.

As sudden as a tropical thunderstorm in the deep south. I arrived my kitchen and started defrosting the chicken. While setting up to cook I was fighting myself because I was lazy but I thought since I'm a little tight on the pocket this month I should cook instead of buying dinner and lunch. After a set of push and pull ups, my blood was pumping again like a steam engine and I cooked a pot a rice and the famous taiwanese dish 3 cup chicken.

Later I wrote on Facebook about how life needs structure and discipline.

This is who I am. A man who's constantly fighting himself over the wrong and right. I'm often caught up between distinguishing the norm of the society and the my own perspectives. It seems the way my mother brought me up have molded myself in a life style of constant self struggle. I'm indefinitely searching the balance in continuous repetitions. I have tourette syndrome which could be one of the reason why I'm always on the fighting with myself. Also I now firmly believe that by not having a satisfying job will only make my struggle worse.

This morning I had my annual company performance review. I was never a fan of this type of review conducted by corporate America but we had to do it just like every other questionable activities called upon by some big honcho somewhere sipping his latte. The review is scored by max 4 pts on each criteria and the final result is some where between 0 - 4 just like GPA. Falling below 2 could mean a write up. This year I scored 1.9. To me, if I had to rate myself, I'd probably rate worse. This year has been a hell of a struggle. Emotionally I'm totally unstable. I've made violent remarks in the office which alerted management and even gave me therapy. Truth is I've out grown this box. Since I landed my first job in the industry almost 9 years ago I've had my share of happiness and depression. My biggest weakness in this field is paperwork. And because of paperwork I am viewed as a bad accountant who often short bill, over bill, or having excessive billing issues to make myself and the department seem less satisfactory when reviewed by the client. My best character is my people skill. My willingingness to help, my fearless attitude to face challenges, ok, this is not a resume so no need to overly judge myself.

Today someone referred me as the a very negative person. However not just negative but a hybrid negative because I'm viewed as someone who's very focused on the negative yet constantly fighting for the positive edge.

Ask me if I felt like a slap in the face. No, I feel good, I feel truthful, I feel this remarkable comment is so ME.

This fuels me to seek the positive edge. And I truly know now why I'm struggling and the purpose of my fighting.

Right now I must dig my way out and seek the light on top of the bottle neck. Mostly, I have to step away from the perceived comfort zone which is the leasting comforting but the most destructing to both my mental and physical health.

Below is an email from my dear friend. I knew him for a short time at work. Since he departed New York we've been pen pal and often carry out conversations on the phone. I am perceived as a talking open book. I like to express my weakness to other to relieve stress. Sometimes by doing so I invite trouble and unwanted attacks. But when faced with a good person like Daniel, he speaks the truth and allow me to learn myself even more.

Thank you Dan.

Now I would share Dan's email.

From: Daniel
Sent: Wednesday, October 28, 2009 11:38 AM
To: Peter Zhao
Subject: RE: hey

Yeah. I agree. From my perspective it seems like you have outgrown the place.
I believe you are an extremely intelligent guy with a deeply philosophical and creative side. I think you need a job that will push you and also allow you to create.
You have gone through a lot of $hit in the past year, that and being locked into the same old routine must be closing in like four walls in a jail cell.

Personally I find the being stuck doing the same thing with now advancement pushes me over the edge. That coupled with the total lack of intellectual stimulation blows my fu&king mind! I can’t even have a decent conversation about a book, philosophical idea, or a scientific discovery. If it wasn’t for Dina I would come home every night and drink Scotch too. (Instead of beer and wine that I drink every night now).

I guess what I am saying is I know you are too good for that $hit, and feeling stagnated sucks donkey d!ck.
Sometimes you have to dynamite the log jam. You might loose some wood but it gets the rest flowing down the river again.

plastic caterpillar

2009-10-27T18:13:00.001-04:00

Lately I have been having so much emotional outbursts. Sometimes I want to punch somebody and then I calm down I just want to cry a little.

I just composed this sketch using MS Paint. It is something I might still have in possession yet I'm not sure if I can find it.

Out of so my sentimental objects, this one has the most impact on me in the last 10 years.

Someone 10 years ago showed me.

I remember so clearly it was during a late afternoon. I have some break between work and school. So I cherish the time to listen to my friend talk. I was told to reach out my palm and this cute little plastic caterpillar just stared at me. It has wheels on the underside and when you push it the legs move.

I was told this came as a present inside a Chinese candy package called "xiao guai guai".

Then while my friend demonstrated how the wheels would move all of a sudden the wheels got stuck.

My friend was so frantic like a little kid who broke the brand new toy except my friend was the same age as I am. I couldn't believe my senses, how can anyone be so naive yet extremely complex at the same time.

I quickly checked the mechanic and soon it was moving it's feet happily rolling around the desk.

My friend was so happy and again showed youthful emotion so real which somehow this incident would sink deep into my memory bank forever.

It's a beautiful memory which I dare not to think about it because emotionally it's extremely dear to me that I could cry just picture that moment and how cute that moment was in my life. When I'm down, I'd like to retrieve this memory because it could help cry a little to ease the pain or it brings some warmth to my heart.

If I can find this little worm again, I'd put it into a nice display case, write a poem, and cherish it for a life time.

a closer look of my horoscopes

2009-10-27T12:43:00.001-04:00

This email which was sent to my soul mate to share my feelings this morning. It summarized just how crappy my morning was.

Yesterday I've had the pleasure to stay home to rest over cold/flu like symptoms. So today is my Monday but the amount of emails and pending works collected during my one day absence makes me wonder just how am I going to catch up when I leave for my 10 days vacation coming soon in December.

A mentor I idolize to told me to keep things simple. Easy for him to say, just how am I suppose to do one thing at a time.

"My email:

You know when you sign a contract with someone and if you breach it that person might take out the contract to remind you.
Well, in my case supervisor copied GM and send me email regard errors on files.
And attached my signed department policy???
Crazy, what just because I signed that I understand dept policy all my files must be error free?
WTF is going on?
Anyway, this is going to the blogging book."

My horoscope for today reads, let me break it down for you and see just how accurate this horoscope is:

"When all you can hear is good news, there's bound to be danger lurking in the shadows.(this is so me, I love to hear good things and my mood could go from sunny to rain when I hear something bad about me. people often tell me not to be so harsh. I'm born to the sign of monkey which reads my personality being easily discouraged.")

But for now you can avoid problems by concentrating on the positive possibilities rather than the negative. (there are so much negativities here. sometimes I feel I'm like a fucking demon who fuels on negative energy, or am I??? I'm working on my best to see the so called bigger picture".) Affirmations are extra potent today, so give voice to anything that's healthy and furthers your development. You get to choose your future with each word you say aloud." (that's true, the email I received from supervisor and instead of going to attack mode I simply admitted my weakness and answered like a soldier, yes sir, yes madam, I will try my very best.)

My tomorrow's horoscope is even more accurate, check out how I break it down: (btw, horoscopes courtesy of aol.com)

"You have recently moved through a phase where your egalitarian thoughts led the way. (the key word here is egalitarian means in favor of equality for everyone. This is very aries, very me, very headstrong. I'm the hero type who seeks justification for myself and the people around me. But often I find myself in pain on the losing end. this is why I am so rebellious and these days I remind myself to curb the attitude) You could rationalize whatever you wanted. Now, however, you might not be able to catch your breath because so many feelings are emerging from your subconscious and squeezing out your objectivity. Hang in there even if it's not easy, for this wave of emotionality should ultimately bring a positive transformation." ( this is so true and it is why I'm chewing on my chicken feet stew over chinese cabbage stir fried in bacon and relentlessly typing during my lunch break. Pain or gain, I know what I'm best and weak at. I can't let the negative side of my work be the judge on who I am. I need to hanging there and use and transform my negative energy into my artistic expression that speaks the brightest, the most beautiful, the stuff that makes us feel complete.")

As I'm typing this, I couldn't help but to crack a smile and giggle a little by myself. Blogging is truly positive for me. Whether you, you, and you, out there are even reading this but I feel completly relieved as if I'm seeing a Shrink.

Until next time, whether rain or shine, wish me the best and when I get my success I promise I will share the wealth with everyone I love.

Autumn is maturing and winter is coming fast

2009-10-26T23:49:00.001-04:00

it's time to go to sleep but i'm not really tired except the medicine induced drowsiness is kicking and my eyes are sacking but my mind is still jumpy. spent my day today at home sick. so i guess i'm pretty restful. my morning head ache has already started as i become restless thinking about office work catch up, oh well. these two black and whites and one HDR were done a year ago and were created during a strange and turbulent time. those days were different and that day when i shot these scenes along with others, i truly felt the camera and my conscious were together as one. the camera reacts to how i think and my index finger tip sparks the connection with a click of the shutter.

This shot foreshadows my next year ahead, a lonely, empty, but challenging and rewarding future ahead.
Then was my D50 and I sharing the intimate afternoon together alone in the woods. Little did I know the D50 now joined by D200 and FM2 have all taken up a little of my soul. Sometimes I let my camera sit there to dust. I can not shoot without some emotions. Autumn is maturing and winter is coming fast. The crisp cool morning often gives me a little blue but the soft sun in the afternoon heats up my blood and leave my smiling for the afternoon. I like shooting black and white but at times I like the richest saturation in my colors because the world is just too beautiful and often what you want to capture is not what you had in mind.

Metro Autumn

2009-10-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

While installing new brakes in my Flushing based auto shop. I noticed traces of autumn everywhere on this quiet residential block. There are about 2 dozen auto shops near where I live now. But I choose to come back to Flushing because, one, auto shops are like barbers and dentist, simply you don't change often. And two, Flushing auto shop gives me the choice of walking among nature rather then the shops near where I live now just block after blocks of concrete and junk yards.

I was surprised how beautiful these golden leaves were settling in contrast with dark roots embedded in the red wall behind. This wall is part of the auto shop in the back. Summertime when the vines are green I never notice this wall because it's so ordinary. Now added some autumn contrast, despite pouring rain, I took out my 28mm mounted on my D200 and snapped this one. This was shot @ ISO400, F/5.0, 1/80.

I decided to do some close up photography. Normally for autumn photos I'd like to follow the norm and shoot in wide angle for the bigger world. This year I decided to describe the colorful fall looks in close up and macro photography. I adjusted highlights and contrast to make the red wall seem liquid like.

Just catching the last of the flowers before they die out.

The beauty of nature. Where ever there is a start, the end is nearby. Leaves grow in unthinkable strength and color then self destruct but only to reemerge again when spring arrives.

My weevil friend is on it's hunt for fallen acorns. Soon there will be none of these little critters. Shot this with Sigma 105mm Macro at full macro 1:1, F/5.6, 1/60. Taken at Kissena Park Flushing NY.

email rapper

2009-10-23T19:19:00.000-04:00

From: Peter Zhao [mailto:]
Sent: Friday, October 23, 2009 10:48 AM
To: CHS
Cc: peter@blogger.com
Subject: yo

Um, ha, yeah, what, tick tock tick tock,

Sound of the clock bang in my head wake up,

Another coffee, pour me by the cup,

Sausage egg and cheese, toasted Bagel touch of syrup,

About to erupt,

But hold myself back like a glock.

Interrupt, a sudden burst through the door like winter wind,

Rush, hush, don’t make a fuss, catch the bus,

There she is dressed in mink,

So much fur thought it’s a big foot,

Until the fur is off she’s got sexy feet,

I’m like hey baby have a seat,

Yo bartender get me a red wine and some candy,

Let me harass a few words before I caress,

********************

There you are, RSP stepping out the car,

Puff Cuban cigar,

21 chrome rim platinum grills,

Big man on the block ready to peel,

Stashing cash crowd knows the deal,

Back away or kiss the tip,

The cane don’t talk those lips hit with whip,

Only I get to shake the hands,

Cuz RSP and I are tight like cousins,

Rude folks saw us and start cussing,

You grab him by the neck,

I kick down the back,

The other ran for shot gun but kind late,

There I wait, anticipate,

The next move I bring like bruce,

Stepping on the chest like stress,

Your bullet proof vest can’t contest,

No contender against my set,

Cuz I’m a f-ing dynamite,

Eat you up like termite,

Tie you down like bank accounts

RSP and I are more real than reality

Next to the kin and her cousin too,

You can’t proof jack,

The next f-up be my Silverado no coming back,

Yo, RSP where you at.

Congested

2009-10-22T18:48:00.000-04:00

Man, my nose was all stuffed and I kept on sniffing to keep my wind pipes from dripping condensations. People in the office were asking with concerns that if I have a cold. I say, no, it's this freaking central air of ours just keep on circulating dusty bad air.
My day was eventful.
The noise level in my office can be compared to the casino. We are a supply chain freight forwarding and brokerage company. But somehow each time we have a supply chain demanding shipment, all hell breaks lose. People don't follow up, people pushing away responsibilities, people pointing fingers, the whole ugly side of corporate America comes alive. The saying "too many cooks spoil the soup" is so right about us. The whole day I felt like I was watching The Office. I think we can do so much better if more people act like my team. We could do so much better but the biggest problem is the "pass the buck" attitude comes down right from the top. I'm not at least impressed with the way my GM handles the office. Matter of fact, I think he could run a damn good show if he owns a sweatshop instead of headlining the New York office.
After a long day and a satisfying meal at Burger King yet unsatisfactory when I felt my heart burn, I departed the office but only to find myself deep in traffic. Everybody lines up like a big race. 4,3,2,1, go, I stump on the gas pedal but only to find my foot move to the brake pedal. The beautiful sunset is worth the admiration if I was relaxing by the waterfront viewing the skyline. But now the sunset is killing us, I still can't see even through the dark shades and the visor. The constant speed up and stop traffic was killing me. I couldn't wait to come home and upload these 2 typical NYC congestion pictures and start bragging. I'm not complaining but simply bragging because as much as I hated I also love it. This is my city, New York.

2009-10-20T23:17:00.000-04:00

So what was I doing last year this time.
Well I went Bronx zoo to find back a piece of Costa Rican memory then reminiscent about the summer in the green houses.

I was also under the bridge to find the world painted in gold.

Then I was very much into zoom lenses. The 18-200, 17-50, and 70-300 never run out of my sight.
I discovered panning. Here is an example of my 18-200 with polarizer chasing an Impala through the woods. Speed blurs and foliage are just a perfect painting.

Many friends and family with the same passion.

where am I going

see autumn

tea house sake

2009-10-19T23:55:00.001-04:00

I remember this, wow, I remember this very well. The aroma from the kitchen, it was one of the best eel don I've ever had. This was inside a tea house in the village and that was a special sake with 24k gold plum flake inside.
Then there were so many questions.
Now I have gained so much answers but new questions arise.
history repeats but experience predicts.
Sometimes things are better left unanswered.

Do you call that escape? Or simply to survive.

Life is full of challenges,
like the air gale while turbulent ,
aparts the sea with ripples in current.

cold rainy Sunday afternoon

2009-10-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

Service charges were mysteriously inserted into our lunch bill. We were deterred by the unexpected breach of trust since we were big tippers offended by a store's innocent defensive policy. Nevertheless we as a trio departed the ramen shop strapped with our favorite nikons and yashica.
Here I'm testing my friend's new AF lens by tokina for both his film and digital camera.

recall last year October was warm like usual thanks partly to the warm tropical air brought up each time by a scattered hurricane which might just devastated another coastline but saved us in moderate weather. Here we were crossing 2nd ave and I thought about the technique of walking as I shoot. While I'm viewing through my viewfinders totally trusting the traffic light, he stylishly walks without any signs of alert but looks in an attitude of subconscious instinct then crossed.

remembering summer rain.

patching for the holidays

here I find a high concentration of these hanging sneakers up a utility wire outside a row of lower east side townhouses. Makes me wonder who was here and when did they leave or what were they talking about and if any of them could be in another world or maybe moved away.

easy peace

somewhere near 9th street and 3rd ave he asked her why do so many TLR enthusiasts like to shoot bikes. She replied, because bikes are "fotogenic". I thought if this bike with it's cushioning crown seat is a loyal bike then it might only have one owner but if not and it's a rental bicycle then it could have sat upon by many asses.

this is not detroit

my all time favorite bar has to be mi-lady: 160 Prince St., New York, NY 10012

on the corner of prince and thompson in lower westside manhattan. today I finally enjoyed my jameson on rocks at a popular but new to me alcoholic joint called MacDougal St. Ale House

B
122 MacDougal St., 212/254-8569

3 of us flipped many topics like the beer caps have fallen. my ice crystals popped when tarnished by my fine irish whiskey as she sips away chardonnay soft like 1.2 aperture lenses. i turned and stared at the barred door and leads my sights to the afternoon lit stair cases. Those soft white lights are still filtered by the thick cold wet air which have blanketed nyc for this weekend. I'm looking forward to the 60s again next week. Too many leaves have just fallen away without a slight chance of wearing their colorful nightgown first.

soon we found ourselves up those steps and led away into the wetness of a cold rainy Sunday afternoon.

Coffee and magazine

2009-10-18T10:39:00.000-04:00

Too bad I can't just simply sleep away my Sunday morning without wake first say around 7am. My biological clock is stuck on work mode. No matter how late I sleep I often wake up just a tad later than my usual weekday 630 wake time. Or in most cases, once I get my 7 hours of sleep at least, my body automatically wakes me up.
Today is wet, cold and wet. I planned to meet up my photo buddies in Central Park hopefully catch some street shot as well as some early foliage in NYC. But it's nasty outside so instead I'm going to the village for some Ramen and carry out a photo equipment discussion instead. This shot is called COFFEE AND MAGAZINE featured on my Sunday morning Flickr post. This is done with my D200 with nikkor 50mm F 1.8 lens @ F22 and long exposure time of 8 sec, ISO 100 mounted on a tripod. It's shot in RAW. As if it wasn't already sharp enough I increased a tad more sharp through PS/Element and adjusted shadow to make the magazine reflection around the mug more clear. Today's word is tad, if you noticed I've used "tad" more than once.

GQ

2009-10-17T17:21:00.000-04:00

Ask why would I want to post such an ugly self portrait.
Me, in my tank top, chain hanging down, my eyes are fixated in a perverse nature and biting on a plastic floss pick.
Out of my collection of GQ self portraits I also have many shocking and sometimes taboo composition of me either in some kind of stereotypical ethnic mock play or random images of me doing a trailer trash rendition.
I like this picture is because it reminds me of the time when mind is slurred by the effects of alcohol and heavy eating. Also it reminds me who and what type of a person I subconsciously want to become. Deep down inside I wish I could become a fearless, selfish, high ego, and plain down to earth and raw type of guy. To some I'm already viewed as raw. But perhaps there is another level I would like to push and maybe it's too taboo when I am not under the influence. The cleverness of this shot is definitely the plastic floss pick rather then the traditional wife-beater wearing guy chewing on a toothpick.

2009-10-17T08:36:00.000-04:00

Just 43 degree in the middle of October here in NYC. I've hardly experienced any Oct in NYC this cold. I know this is just a cold blast to bring unseasonably low temperature to the region just for this week since next week, according to forecast we will be back in the 60s. When the hurricanes are more active, we'd get tropical warm air through November. Then again hurricanes may bring warm air but it's disastrous for the south and NYC hasn't had a direct hit for long time and we are definitely not looking for that.

This was taken last night near 6 ave and 14th street. I had a wonderful supper time at the Coffee Shop Bar in Union Square and just walking off the weight as we headed back to the train. I was walking with my D200 and 50mm F1.8 in hand. I set my EV to 3.5, aperture at the widest, and 1/25 shutter. I just walk and shoot for that ultimate night street experience. This was done on raw and processed through photoshop element. Just like shooting film I'd prefer raw so i could take my time to compose a shot and get the opportunity to capture all the spectrum of lights and colors to better render them or simply make them real.

It's been a turbulent week but everything ended on the positive note. It's 830am on a beautiful Saturday morning. I woke up early due to some eventful dreams that prevented me from closing my eyes again. These dreams are not exactly nightmares but they are simply too realistic. Just an hour ago the sky was clear with a few scattered clouds. I told myself that I should stick with today's plan to go shopping. Now one hour passed, the sky is becoming overcast. I know another system of rain is coming from the west.

Remembering SAD

2009-10-14T23:00:00.001-04:00

hahahahaha, when I looked this sad!... "Man, this was almost 1 year ago!"
A lot of things changed in 1 year. Wow, come to think of it, well I feel very accomplished. But I'm really tired this year. Seems everything I do must come with double efforts. Not that I have bad luck but just everything goes wrong and worst of all for the first time ever I, myself have to carry all these shit on my own shoulders. I could tell people I moved out around 19 and spent the next 10 independently living on my own. But I've always had someone next to me and share my events all the time. I could still enjoy that daily ritual but over the phone just plain cold tea though. So it started with a little sore nose but time well spent, I learned so much about myself. I always thought I'm the extrovert. The type who is always outgoing, who always say hi and never pretend, who is really down to earth, and who really likes to help. I always enjoyed seeking attention to the point I beg for people to notice me. I have gotten myself ripped off or simply give off and broke off, deep in debts just to put up a face or make someone smile.
In a few words I'd say I've learned self control. Come to think of it I learned structure, discipline, and the true independent I've long but hesitant for.
I get to finally look at myself in the mirror and know who I'm looking at. I realize I've longed for some peace and quiet. How I dwell in the blues of solitude yet I can have my sunshine or icy moon lights. Why feel guilty about staying home to enjoy a good show, blogged a little, love the sound of music and your keyboard clicks but no other sound but your own breath. I have tourette syndrome and I just let them rip if I have to. If I have to party I will show you, party, but otherwise I find myself getting lost in the woods early in the morning with my camera and making national geographic out of local parks.
I realized I'm not the "iconic being" I was so ignorantly imagined. I appreciate my weakness and although I have so much complains but each day I go home I really feel the day wasn't wasted. I'm still learning to be true to myself but everything else I just feel much more controlled.
I would like to have my partner back so we can talk heart to heart looking through each others eyes.
But for now my semi urban monk style living is addictive. I'm still learning.
I close the book for today, until next time.

ATTITUDE

2009-10-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

I wanted to dedicate this blog to my photography in way to breakdown my favorite works in ever more details.

However, this blog so far has become my latest salvation, a place to converge my inner selves for discussion, and mostly complains.

I woke up at 630am and boy it's like night time my bedroom was pitch black.

Outside temp read 41 and it's 2 weeks before Halloween.

California was on fire month ago now they are deep in water.

The weather has been freaky this year just like the turbulent world events. 2008 was hated by many and 2009 will become another memorable or quick to forget year.

After reading several horoscopes I began to start my day with my usual import routines.

Today I'm starting a New project. I have to stop complaining so much.

If I have to complain please complain on the blog.

These days all I hear at work is my sighing by my desk or making noises as if I'm in great pain.

I'm just so sick and tired of my work ethics, this attitude have to change.

Just now I was about to send complains to my friend and my wife but I stopped it, thank god.

So now I am itchy to complain about my work burdens.

Nobody wants to hear that, everybody is not happy these days so why create more problems for myself and spreading it to other like a H1N1.

I seem to know all my problems but I just let them loose, this has to stop.

So UYJ, do yourself a favorite, stop getting distracted and put the complain to the blogging and get back to work!!!

Finally, I want to dedicate my lunch hour blogging to a famous quote from Charles Swindoll. A mentor of mine taught me this and I firmly agree with Mr. Swindoll that ATTITUDE HAS BIG IMPACT ON LIFE.

"ATTITUDE

by: Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "