Sunday, November 14, 2010

GRADUATED FROM BLOGGER, FIND ME ON WWW.IMPULSIVEUYJ.COM

Friday, October 15, 2010

the darkest hour in the brightest moment

I am excelling in the industry I've worked for a decade and this new company really stretches my potential to the fullest. Now the day job is getting me to places my side job photography is also making progression. I should say that I am now entering my golden hours of life my mother conceived 30 years ago. I am making the dream dollars but I have to say I feel very happy. However amidst the often perceived hyperactive joyful being I am superficially lies a saddened image not many have seen. I thought, as a photographer, I should not only capture the emotions of others but focus and document myself as I struggle through the emotions and pains which help me to grow stronger. Autumn is a sad month for poets. The leaves are changing color and soon to fall and the death like winter once again blanket the city but call itself the winter wonderland. Living in the darkest hour but the moment is bright, I will be alright, but for now, I'm gathering the momentum that boils inside of me and use it to create.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Relinquish


Relinquish
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ
brand new pillow cases and bed sheet. Although everything else stay the same, these changes mean so much to me. I am in great pain!!!
But I learned to face the pain. this season is so painful to me. October, thinking about last October I had so much hope. 2 month later, another surprise.
I'm too strong to not relinquish the mind and cleanse my soul. Amidst the shadowy past that stalk my sleep away, I find a warm smile in the mirror I face, I am strong!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

9/11 Remembered


9/11 Remembered
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ
Moment of silence, shed tears for those we knew, might not know, but touched all of our hearts

Sunday, August 22, 2010

photos and time


dancing flower
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ
*** This photo was shot using my 1st Digital SLR camera the Nikon D50 nearly 4 years ago.  I liked tricks back then and this was experimented by long exposure plus camera movements.  I carved the flower from a light source by drawing the DSLR I was holding against a white wall.  In 4 years, many changes took place and I like to talk about why I feel so inspired tonight.

On my way to drop off few rolls of film off Broadway in NOHO I aimed for Houston St to exit myself from SOHO.  I saw sheer numbers of ambulances and firetrucks.  A circle formed in the middle of the sidewalk.  I can imagine there must be people break dance, no, all jokes aside, someone must be hurt.  As expected or maybe a bit more intense, I find a man lying in a pool of blood.  There were bloody tissues on the floor.  About a dozen EMS workers were quickly yet somewhat nonchalantly pacing themselves to give the helping effort to a dying man.  He was in a spasm, trying to grab hold of his rather calm girl friend or wife yet the EMS workers quickly push his hands in and secure them.  No one in the crowd appear to be shooting photos or digitally video recording.  I guess everyone has the same thought, should I a photo at a moment like this.  As I walked by, I felt very intense.  My heart was pumping and I asked myself the same question whether I should take a photo and perhaps gain a few remarks from someone unpleasant on the street or just forget it and walk away.  25 steps away from the scene I suddenly turned back and wind an empty film into the shooting slot.  I will take a series of pictures using my film camera, the Nikon FM2.  I thought from a photo journalism approach I should document this exclusive memory.  I shouldn't have a hint of distrust in my own doings and I thought by doubting my own purpose is the biggest disrespect to myself. My lenses appeared in the crowd and someone them saw my lens coming quickly ducked to let me shoot.  Perhaps my attitude emit professionalism and sent a clear message to the onlookers the meaning of my business.  I don't think I can forget the ethics, moral, and the basic a value of a human being to not save someone's life but rather save the moment worth capturing.  If the EMS workers weren't there, I will definitely lend a hand.  Sadly to bring up facts about some people in this city who will not help until someone else takes a lead.  Living in a large city like New York, hack, I think living in this world in general can often expose oneself to elements of dishonesty, schemes, and scams.  Sometimes to simply lend a hand can become a game of guessing whether you could end up a victim of blackmail.  What happened to the pureness, what happened to compassion or simply our own humanly passion.

"Today, I am very honored to participate the opening of time capsule my friend buried in his garage and last seen daylights in 5 years. old photos, dusted vhs, those old memories ritually recorded on devices themselves are already a relics of our time. the dazed days we chilled seemingly wasteful yet these events pave our way to conquer the fear of the future. time traveling is at talks, we are heading to a new era."

Thinking back the 11 years since I moved out of my mother's house and lived with the opposite of myself for so long.  It's been 2 years since our big split.  She's in a totally new life right now learning to start from scratch.  I'm faced with changes and still constantly challenging myself by tossing myself out of one comfort zone from another.  In my friend's photos I found him in many different hairstyles, from innocent to bad boy, from an artist to aspiring promoter.  I saw the comedy "Dinner with Schmucks" last night.  Steve Carrel masterfully made the film extremely funny.  Yet these comedies often carry a good positive moral.  They were talking about dreamers and I can related the movie directly to the photos from my friend's photo capsule.  We phase through my stages just like the VHS era passing the baton to the DVD, the Blueray, and how Steve Hawkins now confirms the possibilities of entering the time travel era.

I think we will be more problematic if we found ourself unchanged in a decade.  Change is good just like how these photos from a time capsule everyone must all have somewhere in their house, in one of their dusted old photo albums, when we open them we hear the past speaking to us and may just add a few spices and sparkle new shines to our futures ahead.  

acquired taste


acquired taste
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Writer's block

I can still vividly recall the sight of soft yellow light from an untainted light bulbs diffused by the paper lamp cover on top of the emerald green dragon head lamp sitting on top of his desk.  He is the only person in my family who smokes once a while.  I recall later years he finally quit but when ever he's deeply stressed he would drink a little and smoke a few.  Often I see him crumbling freshly written lined paper and toss the paper ball into a nearby trash basket which is filled with crumbling balls.  Minutes later he would reach over and pick up that crumbling paper ball and flatten it and happily cherishes it and start making circles.  In later years my mother liked to describe the way my grand father reacted to writer's block like a tube of nearly empty toothpaste.  No matter how hard you squeeze, only a little spews out.  But that little paste is still enough to brush off a night of heavy eating however just won't foam as much. 

I grew up in a literary family having both grandparents from my father's side to be renowned in the Foreign language to Chinese translation circle and output many popular text and books.  There are books all over my humble 2 bedroom home in Nanjing.  I heard there were even more books before the destructive cultural revolution in the 60's which forced the family to burn many before they confiscate them.  Somehow, being the first grandson of the family who carried on the last name Zhao, I am neither at all a passionate book reader nor a writer by occupation.  Perhaps I carried on the workaholism of my mother and became possibly the first Zhao to work full time in an office environment and loving my job everyday. 

In recent years I finally picked up or rediscover the artist within me.  Photography became my second expression.  When ever I am out of words, I like to use my subjects to set the place, composition to tell the story, depth of field to foreshadow, and write a few lines as if a movie isn't complete without a subtitle. 

1258pm reads on my clock.  I have just 2 more minutes before my lunch hour is complete.  Sipping an incredibly delicious soup made up of bitter melon, mushroom, squash, and clams braised in chicken stock.  Half hour ago I imagined myself as the journalist from New York Times who interviewed Andrew Cuomo in his so called Camp Campaign for NY Governor but 2 pages through an article that counts more than 10 pages I suddenly obtained the urge to finally write something.

Last night I described myself as if an empty tube of toothpaste being squeezed but nothing comes out.  15 minutes ago I was ready to write but only faced with lack of topics.  I searched the ceiling left and right leaning my head against my cushioned office chair.  I pictured the hanging ornament off the ceiling and pretend my pupils were F 1.8 lenses by Nikon to create the shallow and deep depth of field over and over.  Suddenly I thought, writer's block.  Why don't I topic myself off writer's block.

I like to quote the marketing niche of Nike, "just do it".  We, as professionals in what ever field we do,  often times we are so well aware of our own processes thus instead of progressing we sloth in an almost standing still motion.  Just do it - I'm not sure where this topic can lead myself to but without starting from somewhere then how can I end here. 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

don't know what to blog about


attached
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ
need to write something, write anything. all these interesting events I'm reading about. all these things happening in the city never sleeps. i've prepared myself for this. it's now midnight. I'm caught in the battle of whether to gain 15 minutes of sleep or blog for another 15 minutes more. i'm caught in the longest writers block ever. i think i need to be sober. i need to clean my mind before i start spilling guts all over my keyboard. i feel like an old toothpaste being squeezed but nothing comes out. i'm ending it now, i'm ending this ok, i'm ending this night.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

TGIF

Another beautiful week timely celebrates into the dawn of Friday. Let's rejoice and embrace the calming sky. It's late and I want to say, TGIF friends.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

flash dance


flash dance
Originally uploaded by impulsiveUYJ
people come and go, like the patriots fighting the foe, common principle, my disciples view me like principal, simple and single, talents have ample the best ride from stable, rebel without cause i be able, settle down big smile and deep dimples, mixing carrots and apple, sipping e&J sitting in circle, watch me tell story like fable, color of the night i camo in sable.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

what i do besides photos

hot oil shrimp, well no hot oil here but straight up ketchup. another flavoring agent is the salted ham. i like to make my dishes with variety of ingredients from all over, guess this is what makes my cooking fusionable.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

mood

hours ago i was just very teary, sat by my pc and starring at photos which i really shouldn't be tempted to look at but i did, i was crying not like a baby, but an old man who came across great sentiments.

minutes ago in the shower, i was washing myself with great exuberance   knowing the fact that i finally have settled some old scores and ready to get more surplus, i am moody as usual but recently i have exerted through experience of a totally different set of moods.  sometimes i feel so positive that i could be negative and thought that's why i'm so attractive.  other days i feel so out of the place, all my extremities are trying to outshine each other in the most active ways.

i sat at the edge of my living room window to take photo of this beautiful flower in my backyard.  i was feeling very sick that day, bodily and mentally.  i used my 70-300mm nikkor VR lens mounted on D300 shooting at iso800 to take advantage of it's low noise attribute yet even though it's so bright outside but i wanted to take at very fast speed to secure the sharpness i seek and the detail which i didn't want to lose.  (i realize the faulty compound sentences I maybe writing).

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ever changing 2010

2010, the year of many changes.  This year will remain in my heart as a crucial turning point in my life.
Everything started with my visit to China in late Dec 2009 and celebrated the New Year 2010 in Nanjing China.  My view of China changed dramatically during my visit this time.  I went from a big critic of China's development to a supporter and definitely look forward China's future casting her giant shadow over the developed countries once viewed as places paved with gold bricks. 

Immediately followed my trip to China my long loved partner decided to take new steps toward the split of our relationship.  The court settlements have long filed away, we are still talking, but there will be more changes coming with her life that a possible abandonment of NYC is in shaping mode and soon she might find herself living next to the Golden Gate Bridge.

My beloved and long time chariot the slammed 1998 Toyota Camry was finally let go and not only did I changed model but I switched manufacture entirely.  I'm a proud owner of a Mazda 3 now and happily pointing the car to every corner to and yell Zoom Zoom.

Finally, after 5 long years of proud service in Fedex I have finally decided to cease the long battle with Corporate America and welcomed myself back into a smaller sized but more flexible company.  I lost tons of corporate perks and vacation time but hopefully if all well gained a new change to grow.  Funny how I'm viewed now as a corporate talker and my emails are safer than ever.  The good thing about corporate America is the manners and etiquette we chose to follow in protection of the brand name. 

Already in 6 months, many changes to reshape my life have taken place.  I know there will be more and I'm looking forward to them as the days go back.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Monsoon



Beautiful outside, the sound of pollution slowly approach me from the front then quickly fades to the back where Brookville dumps into the Atlantic where JFK runaway conjunct in the heart of Rockaway.

777 flown by Qatar with immense GE power plants rumbles above me and traffic seemingly rage with horns sounding and brakes screeching.

Although noisy and messy, all these are still beautiful in my mind.

The air feels damp yet soft.

I took a few deep breathe through my nose and I could smell the smog, the grass, and the incoming thunderstorm.

My body quickly rejuvenates as I closed my eyes to listen to my heart beat. I imagine myself standing in a grass field in another place and another time.

The monsoon air rekindles me. I imagine myself standing in the rice patties where new rice bears the color of gentle green.

My tired eyes are moist by healing tears.

Soon the thunderstorm will arrive to wash the rough week away and freshening the air for a welcoming weekend.

I want to hear the thunders crack, I want to see the first rain drop disappears into the ground, I want to see lightning paint the sky like brush on canvas, I want to see the sidewalk washed by thousands of ripples, I want to be out there, I want to be like the weeds near the sidewalk just grow relentlessly, I want to stay in that moment forever, the moment of monsoon.
 






 

Thursday, May 6, 2010

memory and reality


miss the water that looks almost black in the shades of the cypress forest. Gum tree lurks from shore to shore and the mayflies dancing in the humidity by the thousands.
Back to reality, deep blue sky of the east side of Manhattan chases away the sun that runs off to the west coast hinting colors of gold and spread the word of night to the arriving stars glitter reborn.
about a minute ago ·  ·  · 

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Best feeling in the whole world



Best feeling in the world is when I walked out of the steamy congregation hall under a hot and hazy May setting sun when the room just exploded with heat when the groom kisses the bride.
Cool Flushing wind brushes through the inner streets.
Seeing friends walk by in convoy,
I couldn't resist but to feel the joy as my sweat gently roll down my Nikon's magnesium alloy body.








Best feeling in the world is when two friends enjoying the sweets from a comfortable food spot I recommended and giggling over the whip creme over fresh fruits, like little girls sharing chocolates however just 5 hours ago we were complete strangers.  Now they are under my digital photography surveillance and mirrored in natural synchronizations.








Best feeling in the world is finding the last blooming Tulip showered in a New York Sunset...



Something happened today, I was exhilarated like a boy discovering puberty, a new life, new scope, brighter lights, taller skies, deeper oceans, inner motions.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Lovely Weather

Today was a special day.  April 7th 2010, exactly 19 years ago I was in my short shorts standing inside a freezer like cold Pathmark waiting for my mother to rent my first video in the USA, I remember I picked up Transformer the movie 1986.

After 2 days of fever and sore throat I'm back to work but found myself yet buried again in a pile of files and relearning the phrase "catching up".
I heard people brag about how New York City today is actually hotter than Miami in April.  True, at some point I think the heat index was probably 90 in April.

I stood outside to take a breather.  The air feels so familiar but not like I know this air because it's New Yorker. It's more like distant, like wow, this feels like Costa Rica, or China, maybe Taiwan.  The breeze feels so warm and sentimental.

I tranced out staring at the ripples that move like tides forming a white line through the lawn where grasses are pushed gently by the breeze.  Exactly 19 years ago on this day, I held my auntie Lynn's hand and walked down Junction Blvd in Elmhurst NY in my handed me down pair of tight tight tennis shorts over a pair of white 2nd hand canvas sneakers.  I simply did not expect summer weather in April in a city that's way north by latitude compare to my home town Nanjing.

The good old memories, they help build who I am today.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Beautiful Weather

This weekend's weather is absolutely gorgeous.  So drop your dishes that need to wash, stop the vacuum cleaners that need to suck, and step outside to enjoy the sun.  Don't forget a jacket because the temperature from between day and night could be 20s.

On your left, La Pomme NYC.  My friend Frank Wu is the resident photographer here since '07 and he took me inside early Saturday morning 1am to catch some hot NY night life actions.  This marks my first time photograph night life and I was so thrilled.  The 3 hours I spent here was an inspiration and the learning experience is worth a million.

Photographing these beautiful people was such a thrill.  I learned to take just a little more time to compose, get ride of the noise background, yet not to keep them waiting.
Next time I will try to relax more.  Perhaps before the shoot get myself a shot of Goose and a beer.

~  More pics found on http://impulsiveuyj.com - Night Life Gallery.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

大雨 Rain

期待第一場傾盆大雨, 春雷閃電, 將我把窗帘拉開, 陣陣雨氣飄進來讓我重新感受到那遺失的童心. 我想折一搜紙船, 讓他沿著水溝下流,我邊追邊喊, 好歡喜. Wishing for the first rain of the new spring. Let it be an electric storm, thunder and lightning. I parted the curtain to invite the moist air that radiates through my living space. I feel like I have found my long lost child's heart. I want to make my paper boat and let it run downstream while I chase after screaming with joy

Monday, March 8, 2010

just write a little about Boston Mar 06 2010 **to be updated

Sitting here eating white chocolate and I thought to myself why don't I write something.
Well, the alarm clock woke me up in an aching rush.  My dream crumbled and I woke up seemingly well rested.
My ETA was 1200pm.
We should depart as scheduled 0800AM ETD.
Transit time is 4 hours with a 20 minute break in between.
The Fung wah buses are fast and cheap buses offered between Chinatown NY and Chinatown Boston.
Abruptly I brushed my teeth and washed the sleeps off my face and welcome the fresh sunlight with some lotion rubbed into my cheeks.
My fridge was empty as an cashless wallet.  Alright, 6 more dumplings.  I had them boiled up quickly and dipped them in Ponzu sauce.  My camera and lenses are well packed.  Today's arsenal, Nikon D200 DSLR, 28mm standard lens, 105mm macro lens, and a 50mm prime lens.

After an easy hassle free train ride on the L then to the R.  I strolled my way toward the Manhattan Bridge and the Sun was shining on my Eastern facing cheeks.  My pair of old vintage Rayban kept my eyes well protected from the gleaming sun rays.

In between the 8 o'clock bus I had about 30 minutes of free time which I spent the minutes with breakfast from Mickey D and I took this photo of Saturday morning rush hour down the Manhattan bridge.  The Sun was in my face so I bumped the EV up 0.3 and used the built in flash on TTL to fill in the shadows.

  


Thursday, February 25, 2010

the perfect storm ***last updated 02/26/10 1044pm

This winter has been REALLY snowy, blizzard after blizzards and each storm seem to out done the previous.
We enjoyed a beautiful weekend and started this Tuesday with heavy down pours.  The temperature was relatively warm all week but very wet.  Then we heard about the perfect storm scenario.

This is Flushing Ave near Ridgewood in Queens NY at around 0720 this morning.  Started with big heavy wet flakes and continued to snow all day I heard.  But where I worked in Rosedale near JFK was raining pretty much all day until late in the afternoon.

The whole day I heard about Southern Brooklyn getting heavy snow.  Then the sales guy called from Jersey said they are running scared and can't wait to go home.


Once again, Flushing Ave but at 0600pm.  Stuck in traffic with wheels deep in the 6 inches of slush.  It's so slushy and wet, I felt like walking in the water but with extreme precaution since it was very hard to walk.  My ABS constantly hammered below my feet and the TCS keep the wheel from spinning out of control.






Almost home, at the traffic light I decided to open the window and shined a flash on to the fallen snow.












My friend on Facebook asked how's the snow we are getting and told her very small amount.  But little did I realize how much I was missing out from too much internet tonight that when I open the blinds I found myself inside THE PERFECT STORM.














0730AM 02/26/2010.  NYC schools are closed on an emergency schedule this morning at 5AM.  I phoned in to work and told my boss after 30minutes of digging the car is no where near coming out of my spot with brand new tires.  So I'm going to try mass transit however both the L and M runs above ground at one point so they are really slow.  Plus the buses are no where to be seen.  One just pass by but packed as HELL.  I'm trying to hitch a ride with somebody's SUV.  2 weeks ago we closed office for a storm that was only packing just fraction of the power compare to this one.  I highly doubt I can make it and besides coming back home is another story.


  This is the pavement I have to walk on and this is considered OK, the other block seems the owners are just too lazy to come out and fight a losing battle.


 

  Pretty sight I must admit


  This stuff really sticks.  Yesterday's rain, sleet, and wet snow packed in overnight due to drop in temperature.  This snow came during the middle of a huge crisis at work.  We are so busy these days.  The problem we have, god, don't know how to describe.  Now the snow.  Oh well, look at the bright side, it's Beautiful.


I couldn't just stay home all day while the fun resides just subway stops away.  With that in mind, I hopped on the L line and here I am exiting off Union Sq station.  I wanted to do some general street shots.  All shots are composed from my 18-200 lens on A mode.

Snowing bloody murder here in NYC.  This was on 4th Ave just down below Union SQ.


 Astor Place, the spot of the famous Cube.  Here I met up my boy TL and head down to St Marks for some quality Ramen and hot Sake.   He was obviously late on the train thanks to multiple delays due to the wet wet weather we've been getting for the whole week.  I've never seen day time blizzards like this before.  The snow was coming down hard.  On the weather map the storm system system spins counter clock and rotating moistures just like a hurricane.

Scrambling for umbrella, the temp was just above freezing so the precipitation was anywhere from sleet snow to rain and ice.   
There were buses running but just very very slow.  Plus the city cut the number of buses to accommodate the decline in customers today since many of them stayed home.  

雨過天青, This spinning storm is very tropical storm like.  Matter of fact on Thursday when this all started we were high in the 40's and I even heard thunders.  The blue sky you see here is probably the center of the storm or the eye.  What we have to worry now is the spring like temp the next whole week.  All these snow will melt and flash floods are imminent. 

 You can actually see the dark clouds coming and instantly the a Sunny day transforms back into a wintry blizzards.  I walk around with my DSLR exposed to the element.  As soon as the blizzard starts I reach for my plastic cover and wrap it around my camera body.

New York's Finest.



This morning when I woke up and up to the point I gave up trying to go to work this storm was a steady phenomenon that punished the Greater New York area with full power wintry windstorm.  But during course of my 3 hour walk so far, that weather has changed several times.  This is by the edge of the Hudson and the weather became once again scenic and pretty with white clouds floating in a sea of blue and the earth is white too.

We left the pier and headed back to the "civilization" however a few blocks away we were astonished by how quickly entered blizzard again, wow, this weather is so unpredictable with this thing spinning above us.

Peace on earth finally, the storm seems to have stop short.  But I trust the weather map, that thing is still spinning.  (matter of fact few hours after this photo at around 0700pm, the storm whipped some craziness again)  Broadway and 12 street Downtown Manhattan


The kids enjoyed the end of 2nd and hopefully the last or maybe another soon, snow day with some old fashion urban warfare.