Halloween Sickness

Door bell is ringing off the hook.  Kids are dashing through the halls in full costumes or otherwise a mask or two.  Too bad I have nothing to offer them but a few germs and bugs.  I took Monday off over some cold symptoms and went to work the rest of the week.  I was prepared to feel better so I can walk the streets of Manhattan geared up with Nikon toys for the Halloween spirits but only to wake up this Saturday feeling sicker than ever.  Luckily I'm not getting much Flu like symptoms but if this worsens I will make sure I see a doctor on Monday since that stupid H1N1 Swine flu is at large.

I love New York, I love the Yankees, We are back.

the fighting man

Last night I came home feeling really lazy.  I just sat in front my pc and stared at the screen like a full time writer with a serious case of writer's block.  Later I posted something sentimental which almost made myself cry. 

As sudden as a tropical thunderstorm in the deep south.  I arrived my kitchen and started defrosting the chicken.  While setting up to cook I was fighting myself because I was lazy but I thought since I'm a little tight on the pocket this month I should cook instead of buying dinner and lunch.  After a set of push and pull ups, my blood was pumping again like a steam engine and I cooked a pot a rice and the famous taiwanese dish 3 cup chicken.

Later I wrote on Facebook about how life needs structure and discipline.

This is who I am.  A man who's constantly fighting himself over the wrong and right.  I'm often caught up between distinguishing the norm of the society and the my own perspectives.  It seems the way my mother brought me up have molded myself in a life style of constant self struggle.  I'm indefinitely searching the balance in continuous repetitions.  I have tourette syndrome which could be one of the reason why I'm always on the fighting with myself.  Also I now firmly believe that by not having a satisfying job will only make my struggle worse.

This morning I had my annual company performance review.  I was never a fan of this type of review conducted by corporate America but we had to do it just like every other questionable activities called upon by some big honcho somewhere sipping his latte.  The review is scored by max 4 pts on each criteria and the final result is some where between 0 - 4 just like GPA.  Falling below 2 could mean a write up.  This year I scored 1.9.  To me, if I had to rate myself, I'd probably rate worse.  This year has been a hell of a struggle.  Emotionally I'm totally unstable.  I've made violent remarks in the office which alerted management and even gave me therapy.  Truth is I've out grown this box.  Since I landed my first job in the industry almost 9 years ago I've had my share of happiness and depression.  My biggest weakness in this field is paperwork.  And because of paperwork I am viewed as a bad accountant who often short bill, over bill, or having excessive billing issues to make myself and the department seem less satisfactory when reviewed by the client.  My best character is my people skill.  My willingingness to help, my fearless attitude to face challenges, ok, this is not a resume so no need to overly judge myself. 

Today someone referred me as the a very negative person.  However not just negative but a hybrid negative because I'm viewed as someone who's very focused on the negative yet constantly fighting for the positive edge. 

Ask me if I felt like a slap in the face.  No, I feel good, I feel truthful, I feel this remarkable comment is so ME. 

This fuels me to seek the positive edge.  And I truly know now why I'm struggling and the purpose of my fighting.

Right now I must dig my way out and seek the light on top of the bottle neck.  Mostly, I have to step away from the perceived comfort zone which is the leasting comforting but the most destructing to both my mental and physical health. 

Below is an email from my dear friend.  I knew him for a short time at work.  Since he departed New York we've been pen pal and often carry out conversations on the phone.  I am perceived as a talking open book.  I like to express my weakness to other to relieve stress.  Sometimes by doing so I invite trouble and unwanted attacks.  But when faced with a good person like Daniel, he speaks the truth and allow me to learn myself even more.

Thank you Dan.

Now I would share Dan's email.

From: Daniel
Sent: Wednesday, October 28, 2009 11:38 AM
To: Peter Zhao
Subject: RE: hey

Yeah. I agree. From my perspective it seems like you have outgrown the place.
I believe you are an extremely intelligent guy with a deeply philosophical and creative side. I think you need a job that will push you and also allow you to create.
You have gone through a lot of $hit in the past year, that and being locked into the same old routine must be closing in like four walls in a jail cell.

Personally I find the being stuck doing the same thing with now advancement pushes me over the edge. That coupled with the total lack of intellectual stimulation blows my fu&king mind! I can’t even have a decent conversation about a book, philosophical idea, or a scientific discovery. If it wasn’t for Dina I would come home every night and drink Scotch too. (Instead of beer and wine that I drink every night now).

I guess what I am saying is I know you are too good for that $hit, and feeling stagnated sucks donkey d!ck.
Sometimes you have to dynamite the log jam. You might loose some wood but it gets the rest flowing down the river again.

plastic caterpillar

Lately I have been having so much emotional outbursts.  Sometimes I want to punch somebody and then I calm down I just want to cry a little.

I just composed this sketch using MS Paint.  It is something I might still have in possession yet I'm not sure if I can find it.

Out of so my sentimental objects, this one has the most impact on me in the last 10 years.

Someone 10 years ago showed me.

I remember so clearly it was during a late afternoon.  I have some break between work and school.  So I cherish the time to listen to my friend talk.  I was told to reach out my palm and this cute little plastic caterpillar just stared at me.  It has wheels on the underside and when you push it the legs move.

I was told this came as a present inside a Chinese candy package called "xiao guai guai".

Then while my friend demonstrated how the wheels would move all of a sudden the wheels got stuck.

My friend was so frantic like a little kid who broke the brand new toy except my friend was the same age as I am.  I couldn't believe my senses, how can anyone be so naive yet extremely complex at the same time.

I quickly checked the mechanic and soon it was moving it's feet happily rolling around the desk.

My friend was so happy and again showed youthful emotion so real which somehow this incident would sink deep into my memory bank forever.

It's a beautiful memory which I dare not to think about it because emotionally it's extremely dear to me that I could cry just picture that moment and how cute that moment was in my life.  When I'm down, I'd like to retrieve this memory because it could help cry a little to ease the pain or it brings some warmth to my heart.

If I can find this little worm again, I'd put it into a nice display case, write a poem, and cherish it for a life time.

a closer look of my horoscopes

This email which was sent to my soul mate to share my feelings this morning. It summarized just how crappy my morning was.

Yesterday I've had the pleasure to stay home to rest over cold/flu like symptoms. So today is my Monday but the amount of emails and pending works collected during my one day absence makes me wonder just how am I going to catch up when I leave for my 10 days vacation coming soon in December.

A mentor I idolize to told me to keep things simple. Easy for him to say, just how am I suppose to do one thing at a time.

"My email:

You know when you sign a contract with someone and if you breach it that person might take out the contract to remind you.
Well, in my case supervisor copied GM and send me email regard errors on files.
And attached my signed department policy???
Crazy, what just because I signed that I understand dept policy all my files must be error free?
WTF is going on?
Anyway, this is going to the blogging book."

My horoscope for today reads, let me break it down for you and see just how accurate this horoscope is:

"When all you can hear is good news, there's bound to be danger lurking in the shadows.(this is so me, I love to hear good things and my mood could go from sunny to rain when I hear something bad about me. people often tell me not to be so harsh. I'm born to the sign of monkey which reads my personality being easily discouraged.")

But for now you can avoid problems by concentrating on the positive possibilities rather than the negative. (there are so much negativities here. sometimes I feel I'm like a fucking demon who fuels on negative energy, or am I??? I'm working on my best to see the so called bigger picture".) Affirmations are extra potent today, so give voice to anything that's healthy and furthers your development. You get to choose your future with each word you say aloud." (that's true, the email I received from supervisor and instead of going to attack mode I simply admitted my weakness and answered like a soldier, yes sir, yes madam, I will try my very best.)

My tomorrow's horoscope is even more accurate, check out how I break it down: (btw, horoscopes courtesy of aol.com)

"You have recently moved through a phase where your egalitarian thoughts led the way. (the key word here is egalitarian means in favor of equality for everyone. This is very aries, very me, very headstrong. I'm the hero type who seeks justification for myself and the people around me. But often I find myself in pain on the losing end. this is why I am so rebellious and these days I remind myself to curb the attitude) You could rationalize whatever you wanted. Now, however, you might not be able to catch your breath because so many feelings are emerging from your subconscious and squeezing out your objectivity. Hang in there even if it's not easy, for this wave of emotionality should ultimately bring a positive transformation." ( this is so true and it is why I'm chewing on my chicken feet stew over chinese cabbage stir fried in bacon and relentlessly typing during my lunch break. Pain or gain, I know what I'm best and weak at. I can't let the negative side of my work be the judge on who I am. I need to hanging there and use and transform my negative energy into my artistic expression that speaks the brightest, the most beautiful, the stuff that makes us feel complete.")


As I'm typing this, I couldn't help but to crack a smile and giggle a little by myself. Blogging is truly positive for me. Whether you, you, and you, out there are even reading this but I feel completly relieved as if I'm seeing a Shrink.






Until next time, whether rain or shine, wish me the best and when I get my success I promise I will share the wealth with everyone I love.

Autumn is maturing and winter is coming fast

it's time to go to sleep but i'm not really tired except the medicine induced drowsiness is kicking and my eyes are sacking but my mind is still jumpy.  spent my day today at home sick.  so i guess i'm pretty restful.  my morning head ache has already started as i become restless thinking about office work catch up, oh well.  these two black and whites and one HDR were done a year ago and were created during a strange and turbulent time.  those days were different and that day when i shot these scenes along with others, i truly felt the camera and my conscious were together as one.  the camera reacts to how i think and my index finger tip sparks the connection with a click of the shutter.

This shot foreshadows my next year ahead, a lonely, empty, but challenging and rewarding future ahead.
Then was my D50 and I sharing the intimate afternoon together alone in the woods.  Little did I know the D50 now joined by D200 and FM2 have all taken up a little of my soul.  Sometimes I let my camera sit there to dust.  I can not shoot without some emotions.  Autumn is maturing and winter is coming fast.  The crisp cool morning often gives me a little blue but the soft sun in the afternoon heats up my blood and leave my smiling for the afternoon.  I like shooting black and white but at times I like the richest saturation in my colors because the world is just too beautiful and often what you want to capture is not what you had in mind.

Metro Autumn

While installing new brakes in my Flushing based auto shop.  I noticed traces of autumn everywhere on this quiet residential block.  There are about 2 dozen auto shops near where I live now.  But I choose to come back to Flushing because, one, auto shops are like barbers and dentist, simply you don't change often.  And two, Flushing auto shop gives me the choice of walking among nature rather then the shops near where I live now just block after blocks of concrete and junk yards.

I was surprised how beautiful these golden leaves were settling in contrast with dark roots embedded in the red wall behind.  This wall is part of the auto shop in the back.  Summertime when the vines are green I never notice this wall because it's so ordinary.  Now added some autumn contrast, despite pouring rain, I took out my 28mm mounted on my D200 and snapped this one.  This was shot @ ISO400, F/5.0, 1/80.

I decided to do some close up photography.  Normally for autumn photos I'd like to follow the norm and shoot in wide angle for the bigger world.  This year I decided to describe the colorful fall looks in close up and macro photography.  I adjusted highlights and contrast to make the red wall seem liquid like.

Just catching the last of the flowers before they die out.

The beauty of nature.  Where ever there is a start, the end is nearby.  Leaves grow in unthinkable strength and color then self destruct but only to reemerge again when spring arrives.

My weevil friend is on it's hunt for fallen acorns.  Soon there will be none of these little critters.  Shot this with Sigma 105mm Macro at full macro 1:1, F/5.6, 1/60.   Taken at Kissena Park Flushing NY.

email rapper

From: Peter Zhao [mailto:]
Sent: Friday, October 23, 2009 10:48 AM
To: CHS
Cc: peter@blogger.com
Subject: yo

Um, ha, yeah, what, tick tock tick tock,

Sound of the clock bang in my head wake up,

Another coffee, pour me by the cup,

Sausage egg and cheese, toasted Bagel touch of syrup,

About to erupt,

But hold myself back like a glock.

Interrupt, a sudden burst through the door like winter wind,

Rush, hush, don’t make a fuss, catch the bus,

There she is dressed in mink,

So much fur thought it’s a big foot,

Until the fur is off she’s got sexy feet,

I’m like hey baby have a seat,

Yo bartender get me a red wine and some candy,

Let me harass a few words before I caress,

********************

---

There you are, RSP stepping out the car,

Puff Cuban cigar,

21 chrome rim platinum grills,

Big man on the block ready to peel,

Stashing cash crowd knows the deal,

Back away or kiss the tip,

The cane don’t talk those lips hit with whip,

Only I get to shake the hands,

Cuz RSP and I are tight like cousins,

Rude folks saw us and start cussing,

You grab him by the neck,

I kick down the back,

The other ran for shot gun but kind late,

There I wait, anticipate,

The next move I bring like bruce,

Stepping on the chest like stress,

Your bullet proof vest can’t contest,

No contender against my set,

Cuz I’m a f-ing dynamite,

Eat you up like termite,

Tie you down like bank accounts

RSP and I are more real than reality

Next to the kin and her cousin too,

You can’t proof jack,

The next f-up be my Silverado no coming back,

Yo, RSP where you at.

Congested

Man, my nose was all stuffed and I kept on sniffing to keep my wind pipes from dripping condensations.  People in the office were asking with concerns that if I have a cold.  I say, no, it's this freaking central air of ours just keep on circulating dusty bad air.
My day was eventful.
The noise level in my office can be compared to the casino.  We are a supply chain freight forwarding and brokerage company.  But somehow each time we have a supply chain demanding shipment, all hell breaks lose.  People don't follow up, people pushing away responsibilities, people pointing fingers, the whole ugly side of corporate America comes alive.  The saying "too many cooks spoil the soup" is so right about us.  The whole day I felt like I was watching The Office.  I think we can do so much better if more people act like my team.  We could do so much better but the biggest problem is the "pass the buck" attitude comes down right from the top.  I'm not at least impressed with the way my GM handles the office.  Matter of fact, I think he could run a damn good show if he owns a sweatshop instead of headlining the New York office.
After a long day and a satisfying meal at Burger King yet unsatisfactory when I felt my heart burn, I departed the office but only to find myself deep in traffic.  Everybody lines up like a big race.  4,3,2,1, go, I stump on the gas pedal but only to find my foot move to the brake pedal.  The beautiful sunset is worth the admiration if I was relaxing by the waterfront viewing the skyline.  But now the sunset is killing us, I still can't see even through the dark shades and the visor.  The constant speed up and stop traffic was killing me.  I couldn't wait to come home and upload these 2 typical NYC congestion pictures and start bragging.  I'm not complaining but simply bragging because as much as I hated I also love it.  This is my city, New York.

So what was I doing last year this time.
Well I went Bronx zoo to find back a piece of Costa Rican memory then reminiscent about the summer in the green houses.

 I was also under the bridge to find the world painted in gold.










Then I was very much into zoom lenses.  The 18-200, 17-50, and 70-300 never run out of my sight.
 I discovered panning.  Here is an example of my 18-200 with polarizer chasing an Impala through the woods.  Speed blurs and foliage are just a perfect painting.

Many friends and family with the same passion.

where am I going

see autumn

tea house sake

I remember this, wow, I remember this very well.  The aroma from the kitchen, it was one of the best eel don I've ever had.  This was inside a tea house in the village and that was a special sake with 24k gold plum flake inside.
Then there were so many questions.
Now I have gained so much answers but new questions arise.
history repeats but experience predicts.
Sometimes things are better left unanswered.

Do you call that escape?  Or simply to survive.

Life is full of challenges,
    like the air gale while turbulent ,
           aparts the sea with ripples in current.

cold rainy Sunday afternoon

Service charges were mysteriously inserted into our lunch bill.  We were deterred by the unexpected breach of trust since we were big tippers offended by a store's innocent defensive policy.  Nevertheless we as a trio departed the ramen shop strapped with our favorite nikons and yashica.
Here I'm testing my friend's new AF lens by tokina for both his film and digital camera.



recall last year October was warm like usual thanks partly to the warm tropical air brought up each time by a scattered hurricane which might just devastated another coastline but saved us in moderate weather.  Here we were crossing 2nd ave and I thought about the technique of walking as I shoot.  While I'm viewing through my viewfinders totally trusting the traffic light, he stylishly walks without any signs of alert but looks in an attitude of subconscious instinct then crossed.

remembering summer rain.  

patching for the holidays

here I find a high concentration of these hanging sneakers up a utility wire outside a row of lower east side townhouses.  Makes me wonder who was here and when did they leave or what were they talking about and  if any of them could be in another world or maybe moved away.

easy peace

somewhere near 9th street and 3rd ave he asked her why do so many TLR enthusiasts like to shoot bikes.  She replied, because bikes are "fotogenic".    I thought if this bike with it's cushioning crown seat is a loyal bike then it might only have one owner but if not and it's a rental bicycle then it could have sat upon by many asses.  

this is not detroit

my all time favorite bar has to be mi-lady:  160 Prince St., New York, NY 10012

 on the corner of prince and thompson in lower westside manhattan. today I finally enjoyed my jameson on rocks at a popular but new to me alcoholic joint called MacDougal St. Ale House

B
122 MacDougal St., 212/254-8569

3 of us flipped many topics like the beer caps have fallen.  my ice crystals popped when tarnished by my fine irish whiskey as she sips away chardonnay soft like 1.2 aperture lenses.  i turned and stared at the barred door and leads my sights to the afternoon lit stair cases.  Those soft white lights are still filtered by the thick cold wet air which have blanketed nyc for this weekend.  I'm looking forward to the 60s again next week.  Too many leaves have just fallen away without a slight chance of wearing their colorful nightgown first. 

soon we found ourselves up those steps and led away into the wetness of a cold rainy Sunday afternoon.

Coffee and magazine

Too bad I can't just simply sleep away my Sunday morning without wake first say around 7am.  My biological clock is stuck on work mode.  No matter how late I sleep I often wake up just a tad later than my usual weekday 630 wake time.  Or in most cases, once I get my 7 hours of sleep at least, my body automatically wakes me up.
Today is wet, cold and wet.  I planned to meet up my photo buddies in Central Park hopefully catch some street shot as well as some early foliage in NYC.  But it's nasty outside so instead I'm going to the village for some Ramen and carry out a photo equipment discussion instead.  This shot is called COFFEE AND MAGAZINE featured on my Sunday morning Flickr post.  This is done with my D200 with nikkor 50mm F 1.8 lens @ F22 and long exposure time of 8 sec, ISO 100 mounted on a tripod.  It's shot in RAW.  As if it wasn't already sharp enough I increased a tad more sharp through PS/Element and adjusted shadow to make the magazine reflection around the mug more clear.  Today's word is tad, if you noticed I've used "tad" more than once.

GQ

Ask why would I want to post such an ugly self portrait.
Me, in my tank top, chain hanging down, my eyes are fixated in a perverse nature and biting on a plastic floss pick.
Out of my collection of GQ self portraits I also have many shocking and sometimes taboo composition of me either in some kind of stereotypical ethnic mock play or random images of me doing a trailer trash rendition.
I like this picture is because it reminds me of the time when mind is slurred by the effects of alcohol and heavy eating.  Also it reminds me who and what type of a person I subconsciously want to become.  Deep down inside I wish I could become a fearless, selfish, high ego, and plain down to earth and raw type of guy.  To some I'm already viewed as raw.  But perhaps there is another level I would like to push and maybe it's too taboo when I am not under the influence.  The cleverness of this shot is definitely the plastic floss pick rather then the traditional wife-beater wearing guy chewing on a toothpick.

Just 43 degree in the middle of October here in NYC.  I've hardly experienced any Oct in NYC this cold.  I know this is just a cold blast to bring unseasonably low temperature to the region just for this week since next week, according to forecast we will be back in the 60s.  When the hurricanes are more active, we'd get tropical warm air through November.  Then again hurricanes may bring warm air but it's disastrous for the south and NYC hasn't had a direct hit for long time and we are definitely not looking for that.

This was taken last night near 6 ave and 14th street.  I had a wonderful supper time at the Coffee Shop Bar in Union Square and just walking off the weight as we headed back to the train.  I was walking with my D200 and 50mm F1.8 in hand.  I set my EV to 3.5, aperture at the widest, and 1/25 shutter.  I just walk and shoot for that ultimate night street experience.  This was done on raw and processed through photoshop element.  Just like shooting film I'd prefer raw so i could take my time to compose a shot and get the opportunity to capture all the spectrum of lights and colors to better render them or simply make them real.

It's been a turbulent week but everything ended on the positive note.  It's 830am on a beautiful Saturday morning.  I woke up early due to some eventful dreams that prevented me from closing my eyes again.  These dreams are not exactly nightmares but they are simply too realistic.  Just an hour ago the sky was clear with a few scattered clouds.  I told myself that I should stick with today's plan to go shopping.  Now one hour passed, the sky is becoming overcast.  I know another system of rain is coming from the west.

Remembering SAD

hahahahaha, when I looked this sad!...  "Man, this was almost 1 year ago!"
A lot of things changed in 1 year.  Wow, come to think of it, well I feel very accomplished.  But I'm really tired this year.  Seems everything I do must come with double efforts.  Not that I have bad luck but just everything goes wrong and worst of all for the first time ever I, myself have to carry all these shit on my own shoulders.  I could tell people I moved out around 19 and spent the next 10 independently living on my own. But I've always had someone next to me and share my events all the time.  I could still enjoy that daily ritual but over the phone just plain cold tea though.  So it started with a little sore nose but time well spent, I learned so much about myself.  I always thought I'm the extrovert.  The type who is always outgoing, who always say hi and never pretend, who is really down to earth, and who really likes to help.  I always enjoyed seeking attention to the point I beg for people to notice me.  I have gotten myself ripped off or simply give off and broke off, deep in debts just to put up a face or make someone smile.
In a few words I'd say I've learned self control.  Come to think of it I learned structure, discipline, and the true independent I've long but hesitant for.
I get to finally look at myself in the mirror and know who I'm looking at.  I realize I've longed for some peace and quiet.  How I dwell in the blues of solitude yet I can have my sunshine or icy moon lights.  Why feel guilty about staying home to enjoy a good show, blogged a little, love the sound of music and your keyboard clicks but no other sound but your own breath.  I have tourette syndrome and I just let them rip if I have to.  If  I have to party I will show you, party, but otherwise I find myself getting lost in the woods early in the morning with my camera and making national geographic out of local parks.
I realized I'm not the "iconic being" I was so ignorantly imagined.  I appreciate my weakness and although I have so much complains but each day I go home I really feel the day wasn't wasted.  I'm still learning to be true to myself but everything else I just feel much more controlled.
I would like to have my partner back so we can talk heart to heart looking through each others eyes.
But for now my semi urban monk style living is addictive.  I'm still learning.
 I close the book for today, until next time.

ATTITUDE

I wanted to dedicate this blog to my photography in way to breakdown my favorite works in ever more details.

However, this blog so far has become my latest salvation, a place to converge my inner selves for discussion, and mostly complains.

I woke up at 630am and boy it's like night time my bedroom was pitch black.

Outside temp read 41 and it's 2 weeks before Halloween.

California was on fire month ago now they are deep in water.

The weather has been freaky this year just like the turbulent world events.  2008 was hated by many and 2009 will become another memorable or quick to forget year. 

After reading several horoscopes I began to start my day with my usual import routines.

Today I'm starting a New project.  I have to stop complaining so much.

If I have to complain please complain on the blog.

These days all I hear at work is my sighing by my desk or making noises as if I'm in great pain.

I'm just so sick and tired of my work ethics, this attitude have to change.

Just now I was about to send complains to my friend and my wife but I stopped it, thank god.

So now I am itchy to complain about my work burdens.

Nobody wants to hear that, everybody is not happy these days so why create more problems for myself and spreading it to other like a H1N1.

I seem to know all my problems but I just let them loose, this has to stop.

So UYJ, do yourself a favorite, stop getting distracted and put the complain to the blogging and get back to work!!!

Finally, I want to dedicate my lunch hour blogging to a famous quote from Charles Swindoll.  A mentor of mine taught me this and I firmly agree with Mr. Swindoll that ATTITUDE HAS BIG IMPACT ON LIFE.

 "ATTITUDE



by: Charles Swindoll


The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "








 

paper

How much papers are we wasting everyday?

I admit, I only complain but offer no real resolution.

Steamship companies like Yang Ming Line would send arrival notice attached with 3 pages of pure junk.

Well, not exactly junk but company liability protections on 3 pages of informative which most likely people would discard.

What can you really do?  We all have a reason right?

When I was a kid growing in China back in the 80s, blank white sheet of paper was so valuable.  I often use and reuse paper to draw on.  But now I find myself crunching up a perfectly white sheet of paper to save time or otherwise to prove a point that I am really stressed.

What Can I really do?

The office prints up to 3 bales of paper every morning to get filed away in folders.  These folders after 40 days sitting on our desks possibly getting smudged by KFC or Jamaican Oxtail sauce are filed away into storage and become part of the dusts and eventually shipped somewhere else or trashed.

What can we really do?

Can we really go paperless?